Apple Trees, Average Guys, And The Pool Boy

A perfect boy with a girlfriend is like an apple. The apple is beautiful, red, and ripe for the picking. No wormholes, no bruises. You're just about to take a bite of this wonderful apple and someone approaches you saying, "Don't eat that! It's covered in pesticides!" As I'm searching for a homecoming date it seems as though all the good guys are taken. Infact I have to spend this Saturday with one of these guys and their girlfriend. Yay. Even people who are super obnoxious and annoying have boyfriends/girlfriends. I suppose to other people I may be annoying too. While I'm searching for a guys who's not annoying should I really be searching for someone who is equally annoying?

Caramel Apple Mocha
(Perfect and totally single)

Why are only popular guys attractive? Why can't for once there actually be a sexy loner who's really smart? Like in the movies. Anytime I'm searching facebook I see all these attractive guys but then I read their facebook posts and I learn a whole bunch of vulgar terms that I've never even heard of before! I've never once walked into my honors classes and said, "Wow, he's good looking." I'm involved in the geekiest clubs at my school so even if I wanted to I don't really have a chance at meeting some vulgar, hot, probably hormonal teenage boy. SO I get to pick from: non attractive, really intelligent and most likely harboring some secret talent for music or some very attractive, (I don't like to use the word stupid but it's the only one that fits) stupid, with some talent for a sport. Why can't I have a semi attractive male, with average intelligence, who actually gets off the computer once in awhile and has at least a liking for music?
I realize I ask a lot more questions than I answer and I apologize. Although no one usually comes to me for advice. They oddly enough just like to listen to my ranting. I've been told that my voice impressions are very entertaining. If someone ever asks me for advice they usually don't want advice they just want me to make them laugh and feel better about their situation.
Does anyone else have those friends where you're trying to like vent all your anger out and they make it about themselves but in a really obvious way? "I've been really down lately about my whole situation with my dad and everything."
"Well my boyfriend implied that I looked fat!"
Anyone have those friends? Am I the only one? Or how about those people that talk to you really slow. "Hiiiiiiiii myyyyyyy naaaaaammmmmeeee issssss *JEN-NA. Diiiiiiiiiiiiid you unnnnnndeerrstand what the teeeachhher wasssss taaaaaallllking abbbbbouttttt?" I'm a blonde not an idiot. I can't decide if they do that to me because I'm blonde or because they think I don't understand English since I choose not to talk to them on any occasion that I don't have too. Why must popular people assume everyone likes them and if you don't like them you're obviously a freak, weirdo, or loner?
I'm trying to hurry with this blog post because the apple I like may be working at the pool today and I don't want to miss him.
My trip to (Insert name of Latin Country here) is coming up soon and all I can think about is the cute way I've devised to ask a boy to homecoming but all the guys I like (including pool boy) are apples. I would call him on the pay phone all romantic like and say, "I knew that the only way I'd be brave enough to ask you to homecoming was if I was more than 1000 miles away." I'm tempted to call one of them and just see what he says. Although their girlfriends may not be too happy with me. Although girls never are very happy with me when it comes to their boyfriends/crushes. I'm not sure what it is but I have a talent for ruining relationships. They really should be blaming the guy. I have a flirtatious personality. People keep telling me that it isn't hard to not be flirty but it is a personality trait and I can't help it. It's like if someone told a teenage boy to stop being hormonal or a comedian to stop being funny. Oh well. I hope it doesn't get me into too much trouble.
Well that's all for today. I need to shave and actually get ready for the day. However I have no where to go and nothing to do but a huge pile of summer homework but I figure me getting reading will put it off the inevitable. Sex And The City Is On today. How can I focus on homework?? This is so unfair! I also eventually have to practice trumpet and piano. Trumpet, piano, and summer homework, and I'm here judging other people's geekiness.

4 Extroverts Lost In The City

I enjoy the wonderful roller coaster that is my page views. Hello, Lovelies. Now I suppose you are wondering what the problem of 4 extroverted people lost in the city is and what advice you could possible get from this post... Well that's irrelevant, this is my story which could possibly include some advice that's really important for living your life.

Bad Waitress Coffee Shop
One of my favorite big city coffee shops

So you may or may not know that in just a few weeks or so, I will be headed to (insert name of Latin country here) to rebuild houses, pass out food and just in general interact with the people of (insert name of Latin country here) To prep us for going we had to visit a culturally diverse neighborhood, eat at an international market and ride the bus while talking to random strangers about their lives. Now I already come from a very diverse suburban area with a very diverse school so it wasn't exactly an adventure for me. However, the other people on our trip, not so much. They saw a person with dreadlocks and gasped. It was rather annoying traveling with so many people who apparently have never seen a homeless person or never smelled a person who hasn't bathed in a week. Now I can't blame them for growing up in the cushioned environment that they did but what I can blame them for is being so rude. Non of the people we saw stood out to me as odd but even our leaders were saying things like, "Now this looks nothing like our home of (insert name of heavily white populated area here) but remember different does not mean wrong." I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. We haven't even left the country yet and people don't even know what the city is like!
A girl in another group, *Sarah, was waiting for the bus with us. She began conversing with a man about his life. He asked her how old she was and she replied with 16. He started screaming, "GET OUT OF THIS F**CKING BUSINESS AS FAST AS YOU CAN! ONCE YOU'RE IN YOU'LL NEVER GET OUT! YOU'RE SO YOUNG!" The man apparently thought she was a prostitute.
My group consisted of two college students, *Lizzy and *Ron, and two juniors, *Jane and I. We were all very extroverted. We all figured that we were right. I knew I was right but whatever.
The food was wonderful. You can't go wrong with handmade cream cheese wantons and chicken Thai Pad. Well unless your *Lizzy of course. Now with American foods Spicy is not deadly. Spicy in American food is the equivalent of Mild in Thai food. Mild is playing it safe, Medium is getting risky and Spicy is like if you could put Hell inside your mouth. I being the bland German ordered Mild. *Lizzy who has obviously never had Thai food before ordered Spicy. The cook and I exchanged glances and I think I saw him smirk. I was enjoying my food while practicing using chopsticks and *Lizzy... Well she was crying, sweating and wiping snot from her nose! She was turning pink! It took every once in my body not to fall off my chair laughing. I was suppressing my laughter so much I spit on *Ron. He was too preoccupied with *Lizzy's tomato face to notice though. *Jane and I continued to enjoy our food and smile at one another.
Then came the bus ride. The part that most of the people were dreading. We were told before we went out that we had to respect other people's culture or they wouldn't listen to us. (We also learned about the "Squatty Potty." Yay.) The man who was speaking to us used to live on the Gaza Strip in India so naturally we figured he had some good advice for us. However, he was also strongly Lutheran (Unnaturally) so the only thing I remember him saying was, "There were so many Hindu sculptures! Even though I just wanted to kick them over and bash them, I knew in doing so I wouldn't be able to spread the message of Christ." I looked over at the other's and they seemed to find that this was a totally normal statement. I didn't understand! How can you listen to a man who just totally denounced a whole religion!?! We all follow our religions based on faith so how can he claim that Christianity is better? (I'm an Episcopalian, Christian and even I find that statement truly aggravating.)
Anyway enough ranting. Back to my story. So non of us grabbed a map because we all figured someone else did. So we spent like 30 minutes trying to figure that out. We were told to get on bus 6. Now I knew where bus 6 would pick us up because the city is my place and because I'm usually right. Yet no one would listen to me. (I didn't even judge their religion or anything!) We ended up getting on bus 3 because we had to get to *White Water Mall which they thought was the same thing as *White Water Ave. Everyone on the bus had ear buds in so I awkwardly sat their playing with my fingernails and listening to the conversation that *Lizzy was having with and Nigerian Woman behind me. *Lizzy told me she didn't understand anything the woman was saying and thought she mentioned something about racism. She said nothing about racism but I'll give *Lizzy and A for Effort. We got off the bus at *White Water Ave and surprisingly, (not really) it had no relation to *White Water Mall. So *Ron, suggested we board bus 5. I suggested we go back and get on the right bus but apparently being a college student makes you more superior. Again everyone had headphones or ear buds so spent my time just observing. Like noticing the bus driver wore no bra and the woman next to me had two rings on her ring finger. We got off the bus and after walking down multiple streets found *White Water Mall. I knew this place because my DECA state competition was here. We had to find 11th street to catch a train. (I knew where that was.) They walked up and down the streets trying to find 11th street. *Lizzy complained that the streets went 7th to 14th. I almost cried. I was getting really stressed. The others seemed so laid back and relaxed and there I was seconds from tearing my hair out of my head. I tried to laugh at their jokes but as soon as I did they stopped laughing and it was just awkward. So then they figured we should just find our way back. We then proceeded to board bus 7 even though we needed to be looking for bus 21. *Ron pointed out that we were going in the wrong direction abut 15 minutes later so we got off the bus. Now we were about an hour walking distance away from the market and, oh yeah, it started to pour and hail and I, being always right, wore flip flops. "Your feet look like they're in so much pain," Yes, yes they are. Thanks for stating the obvious *Lizzy. So we walked back. They were deeply involved in their conversation about college and I was the 4th person on a 3 person side walk. My clothes became 2 pounds heavier and my pants wouldn't stay up anymore. I was miserable and worried we wouldn't get back in time. They remained calm and didn't even mention the fact that I was right and they were wrong. We arrived in time, just as I was about to start tearing up.
I suppose my advice for this post is to just relax. Worrying does nothing. Also if you've never been to the city and the person you are with has, listen to them no matter how right you think you are.
My wonderful best friend started blogging. He's much more deep and sophisticated than I am. His wonderful witty tales (which are all true) of love and heartbreak will have you eagerly waiting for his next post. Check him out at thenewgaykingalex.blogspot.org. Until next time, my friends.

The Quest For Love Just Became 30 Requirements Harder

Another rainy, depressing, cramp filled day. I should get out more.. I've taken on the life of a true blogger. So lets begin. Now some of us may be single, and some of are in a relationship but one thing we have in common is the bonding over stupid things guys say. So enjoy as together we reminisce in all of the stupid lines we've heard over and over again and soon grow tired of hearing. To all my guy followers: Listen up and never say these things.

• Well you're cute TO ME

That's great but we already know that we're cute/beautiful/pretty etc to you. We want to be pretty to everyone! Tell us we are cute, then stop there. Quit while you're ahead.

• You deserve better than me
• It's not you, it's me

I'm grouping these in the same category. If you stop liking a girl and don't want to date her anymore tell her. No one buys these over used lines anymore. You just seem cowardly.

• You should send me a pic

No.

• You're not fat, you're curvy
• You could always diet
• You're squishy

I call these accidental burns. You may not think that you're being rude but you are. Yes, the girl mind is a very complex thing. Tell her she isn't fat no matter how many time she says she is. Never agree.

• It's up to you

If she asks you what you want to do it's because she doesn't know. 

• Can I kiss you?

KISS HER! Spontaneity is adorable. Asking just makes it awkward no matter how cute it looks in the movies. 

• Any kind of baby talk

Talk about really not cute. I don't even want to go into this one. Act your age is all I can say because baby talk isn't sexy.

• Are you on your period?

I shouldn't even need to explain this one. 

Since I tons of these I'm going to post more eventually. I've really been into the topic of relationships lately. I'm not sure why. It must be all the the sappy movies that are out. I've been reading so many romances lately. I really hope I don't set too high of expectations for a boy because then I'll never find one. My list for guys is actually increasing instead of decreasing!! 

Cupcake Frappuccino
Because I have yet to find a man who can bake

• He must smell normal
• He must care about his hair
• He must care about what he wears
• I want him to bring my roses and chocolate for me for no reason
• He can't be too possessive
• He must let me brag and complain
• He must visit me when I'm sick
• An accent is always nice but not required
• He must have a sense of humor
• He must not be controlling
• He must be able to deal with me
• He must be dominant and submissive and mold to whatever I'm not
• He must brag about me to his friends
• He must not try to one up me
• He must admit when I'm better at him then something
• He must stay physically active. He doesn't have to have the best body (all though that is much appreciated) but I need him to be healthy
• He must be able to cook or bake
• He must have a passion
• He needs to have goals
• He needs to have ambition
• He must enjoy music 
• He can have hobbies but he can't put his hobbies before me
• No one word or short phrased texts
• He must be able to follow me in conversation and speak with proper grammar (or at the very least not speak using slang and vulgar terms)
• I prefer if his acne was barely visible
• He doesn't have to be totally smart but he needs to try in school 
• He needs to use chap stick 
• His friends must not disrespect me
• He must be trustworthy
• He must trust me

How will I find this man? No idea but that's not going to stop me. I will have my summer romance! Just keep these tips in mind for your hot summer:

• Wear sunscreen. Tomato is not a good color and sunscreen won't prevent tanning
• There is such thing as too much skin
• Sand can be really uncomfortable 
• Beware tan lines
• Friends are more important than flings

As you can see, I've been in a list mood lately. Blog soon. Continue to post comments and links to your blogs!

-Shae

How To Be A "Good Girl" :First Installment

Hello my beautiful readers,
Goodness I've had no time to blog. I'm in literally every extra curricular at school and I'm in every honor's class but now it's summer!! It is also raining so I have nothing better to do. So I posted on how to be a good girl before so some of this will be repeat advice but you'll need it all the same. I figure I'll be learning many more things throughout the rest of my high school career so I'm going to make many more installments. So to begin:
How to be a good girl at school:
1. Teachers hear and see everything. When you say something that you wouldn't want a teacher to hear they telepathically tell everyone else to shut up so they can hear you embarrass yourself by saying something totally vulgar or gross
2. The best way to fight back to someone who is threatening you is to let them attack you. If they are in your face and want to beat you, just stand there. They usually don't punch idle people. It's pointless and will get them into quite a bit of trouble. Plus you'll seem like a total bad ass for just standing there
3.The nicer you are to teachers the more they let you slip up on homework
4. Don't ask stupid questions. This includes but it not limited to:

• When will we ever use this in life?
• I wasn't here yesterday. Did you do anything important?
• Why do we have to learn this?
• Do we need our book tomorrow?
• Can we go outside?
• How much work will we have in this class?
• Is this going to be on the test?
• Can we use notes on our test?
• Can we watch a movie?

5. The one who gossips to you, gossips about you
6. STOP THE PDA! A hug and a peck on the lips doesn't bother me but you shouldn't be sucking each others' tongues in the hall way. How romantic is that anyway? Like awwwh cuuute your first kiss happened in the stair well as apposed to in the snow, rain or on a beautiful romantic beach somewhere. LIKE HELLO? Don't create a ritual of making out in school. I can't even begin to explain how bored you'll get of each other. Kissing should bring butterflies. That's why unplanned pregnancies and genital warts happen! Everyone gets so damn bored of just making out so they go all "Sexy, Can I?" on everyone
7. If you wear reveling clothes don't be surprised that guys use you for your body. People will roll their eyes when you say, "I just want a guy who doesn't use me only for my body!" Then stop marketing it, Sweetie
8. Use heels with discretion
9. Stop the constant swearing. Believe it or not it doesn't make you look cute. If you swear once in awhile, that's cool but if you say "F**k" in every sentence it just makes you look trashy. A classy man wants a classy woman and a trashy man wants a trashy woman
10. Actually do well in school. Where the hell do you think you all are going to end up? If you don't get good grades, you wont make good money and you'll be living on the street. How cute will doing drugs, partying and having sex look then?
11. Make friends. The only way someone can be a loner is if they let themselves be. It's quite a bit easier than you may think. Just don't judge someone... even if they have pom poms... it doesn't mean they don't have souls
12. The first amendment doesn't exist in school because we are minors and anything that may disrupt learning, safety, etc can and will get you into major trouble. Don't go saying it's your "right" because it isn't
13. If they make you change your clothes deal with it. Yeah, it's your money, your body etc but it's school and their rules, deal. Petition all you want, it will change nothing.
How to be a good girl at home:
1. Parents always win. Accept your punishment even it seems unjust. If you fight you'll just make it worse
2. If they won't let you wear what you want change at school
3. Just clean your room. You don't want creepy insects nesting in your room. Just ask my brother. It happens.
4. If your mother doesn't like one of your friends, it's for good reason. Complaining won't make your mother like them
5. Don't sneak out. Just don't. You're not as clever as you think
6. One day you'll learn that your parents aren't against you. They always have your best interest in mind
7. It takes along time to build trust and seconds to destroy it
8. Never hide anything in your room
9. Don't get sloppy with hiding things. If you've successfully hidden something for a long time you'll tend to get sloppy. Be careful
Being a good girlfriend of a high schooler:
1. Don't buy him anything that isn't edible
2. Don't let him buy you anything that isn't edible or won't die (I can't tell you how many necklaces I have that I can't wear)
3. Never discuss video games (If you do he'll never stop)
4. Don't talk about him to his friends
5. Don't control what he eats
6. Watch yourself when you talk to guys. He may mistake this for flirting
7. Never make relationships statuses or post billions of pictures if you with him. Breaking up and having to delete everything is effort that you don't need to add to your busy schedule
8. Don't tell him what to do
9. Don't try to help him in school or try to coax him into doing better in school
10. Never brag
11. Don't complain
12. Don't discuss political views
13. Don't discuss religious views
14. Treat him like he's the only guy in the world
15. If he treats you like his bitch, this is normal
16. Don't you dare get jealous!
17. Don't get mad at him if he becomes jealous
18. Don't ask him why he didn't text you back or call you back
19. Don't be clingy
20. If you judge yourself he'll agree because he probably won't be smart enough to form opinions for himself (sad but true)
21. Don't ask him if your dress makes you look fat. There's only a 20% chance he'll say what you want to hear
22. Never tease him in front of his friends
23. Don't burp, fart or sweat near him
24. Let him say he loves you first
25. Don't dress to impress him. If you wanted to impress a boy with how you dressed just go nude
26. If you must send nudes DON'T PUT YOUR FACE IN IT! If you don't you can always deny it
27. Don't mean to be a total parent but sex doesn't equal love
28. Make sure you smell pretty
29. Remember now it's not all about you. You are with someone who has feelings, emotions and a life all his/her own. It's no longer all about you. Make sure to ask them how they're doing. Learn their fake smiles. Learn what makes him laugh and what makes him smile. Visit him when he's sick. Tell him he looks attractive. Relationships are a part of growing up

I'll post more installments and blog posts soon. This week is looking pretty rainy. Bye, my beauties.

Dieting, Forts and Mother's Day

So if you've read my recent post than you know that just a few weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up. He started talking to me again, though. I figure if he fell in love with me once, that he can fall in love with me again... Or at least that's what I'm hoping.
Anyway I recently starting dieting. Notice: Dieting contains the word "die." I began with what my mother called a "fat flush." You eat nothing but apples and drink water with lemon juice. I didn't understand the flush part until halfway through honors biology. Hmm... that was interesting. It's not that I think I'm all that fat, I just know that I'm eating unhealthy foods in large portions so the fat flush was to clean out toxins. Today was Alfredo. Why? Why one of the most unhealthy of all pastas?? I was sitting there smelling the wonderful scent of Alfredo while eating a salad! I can't tell you how much I'm wanting to build a fort, grab a bag of pretzels, turn on Degrassi, and not emerge until Summer.
I'm a little behind on collecting money for my mission trip... In fact $1,200 behind. Oh well, God will provide? I want to become a DECA officer. My mom laughed and said if I couldn't raise $1,500 that there was no way I'd be able to fund raise enough money to support our chapter. She's usually right though. Sometimes almost too right.
She told me that my fat flush would cause my body to react negatively. I just laughed... My friends were over and she told me that my butt was flat and not to blame her because she got it from her mother. When I date the guy who obsessed with fish, she told me he looked homely. I was singing to the radio and she told me that I was way out of tune. She couldn't believe it when my band teacher told her I was pretty good at singing. She later corrected herself and told me that I didn't suck, I just shouldn't strive for a career as a singer (If I sang my own song and it didn't have back up vocals, or a band and it was acceptable to have a male who hasn't hit puberty's voice, I could totally become a singer.) She told me that if I let guys do things for me that they would start to like me. How was I supposed to believe that?? It was also very true. I'm just glad she didn't tell me the truth about my artwork in elementary school, which by the way, is still proudly hanging on the walls of my old elementary school. She can say whatever she wants, I got that thing framed! Ha!
She is quite wonderful. Except that time when we were at the State Fair and she started talking to a cow that just gave birth. Or that one time when we were camping, I told her to pull her shirt down and she mooned my friend and I. Or when she tells my Asian friends about our "Asian Drawer." My last boyfriend was Asian... Or all of the times she teases me when my boyfriends are over. Or when she... Well I could literally go on forever.
Other than all of those things, my mother is wonderful. I hear about some kids' relationships with their parents and I'm happy to say that mine and my mother's is really strong. I tell her everything eventually. I don't feel awkward telling her about things that are going on with my personal life and I really like that. Like if I all of a sudden have to poop in honors biology I feel totally okay with telling her that. Although I'm probably not going to just randomly bring it up.
I love my mom more than anyone on the planet so it's hard to pick out presents for her. She says she doesn't want anything... THAT DOESN'T HELP ME! I'll probably make her omelets or something. Mother's day is so stressful. I wish it was on the same day as her birthday. What am I talking about buying gifts for?? I have no money.
My mother also laughed when I told her I could get this boy back. I will prove her wrong!

Butterflies Are Real and So Is True Love

Me falling in love is so breaking my rules of surviving high school, but I did. He was the most wonderful guy I had ever met. He didn't smoke, or drink or do drugs which in my school is almost impossible to find. He didn't have some weird fetish and wasn't a sex addict. He's a wonderful musician. I felt like crying every time he played piano. His art was amazing. He's at the top of all of his classes. Oh and did I mention he looks like he stepped out of a Twilight novel <3 He would come over to my house and watch movies with me. Sometimes I would cook or bake for him while he played the piano. Every time he came over I would have some kind of food for him to take home to his family. However, he was a very (I don't mean to insult any religious people, I am a Christian myself.) Christian boy. A Lutheran at that. I hope to one day meet a sane Lutheran because I haven't yet (I have so many stories about my almost step moms but those are for another time.) He was going to a church camp for a few days and for some reason I knew something bad would happen. He came back on what my friend calls a "Jesus High." He no longer wanted to be with me because I accepted homosexual marriage... Yes, you read that correctly. I told him that I accepted his beliefs but he did not want to accept mine. He told me that we couldn't be together because our beliefs were to different. Now at first I figured he was totally bullshitting me because he didn't want to date me anymore but apparently he called up his friend and cried for hours. Boy tears are my kryptonite. I'm hoping whoever I end up with is a silent crier who is okay with letting his feelings out through hugging. This post isn't about him though. I miss him but I know high school relationships never last which is why today I'm going to talk about my oldest ones up until my most recent horrible situation. Oh boys...

• *Devon- So I don't really consider him a boyfriend. I was in junior high so it was more of a "Hey, you like me. Let's date." Don't get me wrong, he was a total sweetie but he was obsessed with fish. Not a little bit. A lot. He would go fishing every weekend. I feel bad that I almost died of boredom listening to him talk about his fishing trips. He would go on, and on, and on about bass. He ended up moving so breaking things off was easy. I think he preferred his fish to me anyway.
• *Simon- Nice things to say about him............... I don't think there is any. I don't even want to go into details about how he used me. He didn't tell me had a girlfriend until after he kissed me. Then he asked me to homecoming and cancelled last minute (well technically his mom cancelled on me last minute. She texted me telling me that she wanted Simon and I to remain friends because she found me to be too immature. Obviously she doesn't know her son but I just wanted it to be over so I didn't argue with her. He wasn't exactly my dream man...or any one's dream man to be completely honest.)
• *Zig- There are no words to describe Zig. He's the most complex person I've ever met. He acts like he's very into himself yet he also has a problem with self harm. Or maybe he doesn't anymore. He has tons of people who follow him around and talk to him yet he considers himself a loner. He's tried every drug out there yet he is a devoted Christian child and don't even get me started on his porn and sex addiction. He only liked me because Simon liked me. In fact he continues to like me every time I'm in a relationship with some other guy. He's quite intelligent and speaking to him is like talking to a dictionary with legs. We would never work though because he's only attracted to me when I'm in a relationship and that really doesn't work. I like more of a simple guy anyway.
• *Tim- I've never met a person so dedicated to being a Republican. That's it. That's all I got.
• *Leo- I met him when I was in marching band. Yes, I know how unbelievably nerdy that sounds, which is probably one of the reasons things never worked out for us. I'm smart I just wasn't nerdy smart. I probably just wasn't his type. We liked each other and he sent me texts about how I saved him from suicide. Which I find somewhat sweet, I guess. He told me he was too busy for a girlfriend so we never dated. We just kind of were with each other, kissed each other and he told me that he loved me a few times. I'm just bothered by the fact that as soon as we stopped talking he started dating some underclassman. So much for being too busy for a girlfriend.
• *Axel- He was a good kisser...
• *Skylar- So Skylar happened to be Leo's best friend so you may have an idea of how this ended up. I like to try not to think it was my fault. I never liked Skylar but he liked me, a lot. Like way too much. When he found out that Leo and I had a think he shot himself in the hand with an air soft gun, multiple times. Apparently those things hurt. He began to smoke pot and Leo and him no longer speak. I know that it was probably bound to happen anyway but I can't help feeling like an instigator. Skylar isn't that banged up about it anymore considering he's very popular among the stoner chicks.
• *Jim (I'm running out of names of boys. I'm trying not to use names of boys that I actually know.)- He followed me around like a puppy dog. We did whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. I wanted Chinese food, we had Chinese food. I wanted a $60 necklace, he bought me it. We were in a play together and I don't know I guess I sort of liked him. So I kissed him and we started dating. I didn't realize what he was like until we started dating. It was okay at first, I mean who doesn't love getting everything they want. It got boring though. It felt like I was dating a brick wall with a wallet. I knew that things weren't working between us but he kept writing love songs and love letters and I couldn't just end things...until he farted during our make out session and forgot who I was (I'm really not joking sadly. One day I was feeling quite lazy so I didn't straighten my hair and just decided to wear a sweatshirt. I was talking to my friend and he came up to her and asked her where I was. MY HAIR WASN'T STRAIGHTENED! I DIDN'T MORPH INTO A GORILLA! The worst part was that he wasn't joking.) After that I told him how we just shouldn't date. because he was moving. He was just switching schools, but hey, it worked. He broke up with me and then showed up at my cheer practice with a ton of roses but things were over by then. I had already gone back to liking Zig.
• [Insert story of wonderful but stupid Christian boy here]

From now on these boys are recent and the stories are occurring right at this moment.

• *Jamie- Talk about dream bodies. He has toned biceps, strong pecs and a set of 8 pack abs. However he is a little bit of a player so I'm deciding what would be the safest move. He bought me a rose and chocolate but I'm still not convinced. He's an amazing dancer and he's one of the few boys I know who can cook. If he's just been hugging another girl and then he comes over to me I don't let him touch me. I want him to know that if he wants to date me he's going to have to prove it to me. I'm no one's bitch. I can't help but like him though. He carries me to class and.... Nope! I'm just going to stop thinking about it.
• *Drew- I don't think I've ever messed up in a relationship as badly as I did with Drew. We were friends when We were in junior high but he was a 9th grader and I was an 8th grader so we kind of lost touch but this year we began talking again. It all happened so fast. I needed a ride home from school because I decided to wear heels and forgot my other friend had a massage appointment after school so Drew offered to take me home. He had lacrosse so we figured we get Subway and just hang out for awhile until he had to go home. We joked around with each other just like in junior high. It was so great to have a guy that I could just be friends with and just be myself around. When I got sick he would bring me flowers and chocolate. He would sing to me. He was the only guy whoever had the guts to sing with me.We talked about failed relationships because he and I just recently got out of relationships that really stung. He hinted that he liked me but I just brushed it off and pretended he never said anything. He started driving me to school in the mornings and taking me out to coffee. I went to a few of his games but only because the sexy rugby players were one field away. I never noticed that he was really starting to like me until he kissed me. We have so much in common and I feel like I can tell him anything but (and I know this is going to sound super stupid) I didn't feel any butterflies. I told the girls at my table and they laughed so hard they pissed. I KNOW THERE ARE BUTTERFLIES WHEN YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEONE! I'VE FELT THEM BEFORE! I just don't feel connected to him. When we kiss it's just lips. Just someone pressing their face up against mine. Nothing more. He saw me with Jamie and began to threaten him. He started to call me a flooze and an ass and a bitch and as crazy as they all say (whoever "they" is) and a slut and a child. He told me that my relationships never work out because I'm horrible. He apologized and told me he just said those things out of anger but...sometimes it feels real. He got mad at me because I told him that I wasn't at home or work because I was mentoring so he couldn't come over and talk...and then he showed up at my work. So he was pissed at me for lying. I had gotten rid of him until I started to feel bad so I apologized and now he likes me again... I honestly have no idea why guys like me. I didn't sit there and flirt with him. Apparently confiding in your friend who is male counts as flirting.

So that's my wonderful experiences with males. This is why I don't date and hate dating. High school relationships bother me. Love shouldn't be about give and take. Love should be finding someone that you don't feel like you have to settle for. Why can't God just tell me who my soul mate is!?! I can't stand waiting. And just so you all know, butterflies are real and so is true love because I felt both and I know I will find both again and I don't care how stupid it is that I have to kiss someone to know if I feel anything. I believe love is a emotional and physical thing. Wish me luck. SOUL MATE, I'M COMING FOR YOU! (Please smell nice, please smell nice, please smell nice.)

When The People We Are Told To Look Up To, Look Down Upon Us

So the coach was kind of annoyed with the Varsity Cheerleaders because they had been saying rude stuff about the Junior Varsity Squad. She said that if she ever saw it again they would be kicked off the squad. I happen to be on the JV team but that's totally fine with me because it's my first year so I'm not very good yet. I personally don't think you should get any chances if you are insulting the lower team. We are all cheerleaders. It's actually weird how much real life is like the movies. I thought cheerleading was just a fun sport to do, a sport filled with peppy people who have school spirit, not a place where girls are acutally getting made fun of for not being the best. The coach also talked about how the Varsity girls should be role models for the JV. I will never look up to them. I don't want to be some girl who is mean to girls because they aren't good enough. I'm tired off this whole wall put between the teams. We should all being cheering on the same side of the football field. We should all be going to the beach together. We are all a team. Next year I or my team mates might not be on the JV team. It won't be fun for us knowing the cheerleaders we're having bake sales and sleep overs with were recently making fun of us. I used to idolize the cheerleaders. I wanted to try to see the good in everything and make people smile but I can't make other people smile if I'm busy trying to get my own team to smile. Non of the girls in JV really want to be on JV because of how unfairly we are being treated. It's sad to think that girls today are giving up their dreams because other people made them feel inferior. If I ever organize JV events they won't be just for JV girls. These events will be for anyone who wants to go. The won't be JV only. Nothing will have the word "only" in the name.
It's actually awkward for me because last year I didn't think bullying exsisted. I thought that the person getting picked on had just pissed off the other person. In some cases that is true but not all the time. Now I get picked on for no reason other than the fact that my vertical is.... well.... not very vertical. Bullying will never stop and sometimes we'll just have to suck it up. It just kind of hurts to know that the people we are suposed to be looking up to are looking down on us.
Sorry my blog was so short today. I wasn't planning on it but I saw an email that our coach sent out and needed to speak my feelings.

Bras, Panties and Oh it's Random Monday

In girl scout camp a couple of years ago a woman game to us and talked about barn owls. She said if we litter in the streets, the rats will eat the garbage, the owls will eat the rats and then the cars will hit the owls. Dead owl. So I asked her if we could throw our trash into the field. My humor has always been quite dry and teachers have never really liked it. Infact instead of doing my summer homework I'm going to write a detailed paper about how smart people shouldn't have to do summer homework while the kids who barely try in school get tp enjoy their summer. How the hell is that fair? So my grade drops 7%, who cares? They appreciate my hard work and good grades but they don't like my random out burts or my papers that they find "inapropriate. In 7th grade I wrote a paper questioning why God loved prostitutes and no homosexuals. Or in 8th grade when I wrote a paper about the school dress code being way to flexable. What is up with leggings without covering their butts? To much saggy butt syndrome. I can't stand walking up the steps behind a girl with water balloons where her ass should be. I hate to sound like my mother but sluts get layed, ladies get real relationships. No gentalmen wants a women who isn't just as proper. Also those v-necks aren't cute! I can't tell you how to dress but v-necks give the saggy boob look and it's gross.
Speaking of saggy boobs my grandma is in town. Wow, she is a bright ray of sunshine. Except she doesn't like me, she doesn't like me and oh yeah, she doesn't like me. She wanted to take tons of pictures with my brother and his football gear but when I offer to take a picture of me in my cheer uniform she just ignores me. My cousin wants to go to Broadway. My grandma takes her to Broadway. I want to go to Canada. I have to PAY FOR IT. It isn't cheap either. My cousin is much more special than me because she graduated a semester earlier. Oh great she gets to skip prom! I'm so proud. I try so hard to be good and make her proud but everything I do is wrong. We were at the horse track and if I would have placed bets on all the races I would have made a total of $47.60 but I didn't have the money to place the bets so I just circled my bets. My brother made about $13. My grandma bragged to everyone there how great my brother is at picking horsses. He picked because he liked the colors.Thanks Grandma.
Woah it's cold in here. Anywho I have a  athletic physical tomorrow. I was filling out the sheet and it asked me how many times I got my period in the last year. Who the hell counts? Like who tallies it. Oh looks like it's my fourth period so far this year. How is my period going to affect my athletic ability? I hate when they make me strip down and wear those hospital robes. My butt hangs out the back. Why do they have to touch me in my no no area anyway? I can tell you when something is wrong. I know when I'm feeling out of sorts. I don't need someone else to tell me. Sometimes I even get a male doctor. I know he's my doctor but I don't feel bad about being uncomfortable when an old man touches me. I hate to be rude.
Speaking of rude people. People at school can be so rude. Like one day we were waiting for the bus and these girls were calling eachother ratchet and all of a sudden they were ripping eachothers' hair out. That night it was posted on the internet. There have been so many fights posted on the internet lately. And one time this boy just came up to me and told me I need to wash my hair and wash my face and take off those combat boots (they were not combat boots!) Is everyone in the world like this? Is it just my school? I need to move. I have never watched movies, read books, or heard anyone talk about people so rude. I've never done anything to this boy. He isn't so angel faced either but I would never say that to his face. I chose to take the proper aproach and stick gum under his foot when he wasn't looking. Atleast I had a reason. My teacher said she had a breath problem because of a medication she was talking (BS) but these girls teased her about it all the time. Whenever she would yell at them they would wave their hand infront of their noses. Like really is that nessesary? I guess I won't understand the minds of people.
There is this guy at school that pats himself on the back for knowing people. I bet he couldn't tell me why poeple are so rude. He's more rude than anyone. He wouldn't like me until I got a boyfriend and then he would start liking me again. Whatever though I have a new crush. I mean he has a girlfriend and is much older than I am but he's so adorable! I'm so glad this blog is a secret. I love random Mondays. They happen to be a wonderful type of random.
Sorry about my ranting but today is random Monday when I will talk about a bunch of random subjects that I need to just you know, talk about. Tell me what you think about my ideas. I love comments. It's my favorite thing ever. I like talking. As you can see.

These are a Few of My Least Favorite Things

I went to the wedding yesterday. I didn't know like anyone so it was really awkward. For a little bit I was the only one at my tabke, toasting to the air. Atleast I got to dress up. My dad didn't ask about the slip when I got home so I guess that was also good. I feel a little bad because I mostly just sat there and sampled cupcakes but I don't dance alone. Other than that wonderful experience, I'm typing this at 8 in the morning at church on my phone. When I post this it will probably be later at night though. I'm too tired to help out today. Help. I love God but sometimes this church, this act doesn't work for me. When you talk to some of the people here it's like talking to a fairy tale. In life you can't get what you want by just praying and singing really annoying pop christian songs. How does that help anybody? Karma is my life right now. Anyone else?
Speaking of which I need to be less shy here. I haven't said more than "okay" and "yeah" to anyone all morning. I'll just blame my genetics like I usually do. My face is large; genetics. I sleep to much; genetics. Eventually I start to blame everything on genetics. I turn in my homework late; genetics. I have so many cavities; genetics. I'm weird; genetics. It's a lot more simple to blame them.
Way to many things to talk about today including my crush. I talk about that stuff way to much though. It would be less tempting if he weren't standing like 2 feet away from me with his beautiful girlfriend. I'll talk more about it when my emotions are more stable and I don't feel like falling asleep every 5 minutes. I can barely keep my eyes open anymore. Sigh. Anyway, Happy No Thanks-Giving. Since I'm emotionally unstable I decided to dedicate this blog post to all of those little things that make life a little less livable. Don't get me wrong I love life most of the time. The rest of it are days like today. Anyway, in elementary every year we would make a poem using the letters in Thanksgiving. So here is my No Thanks-Giving poem. Enjoy:
N- Neighbors with an attitude
O- Overly excited people in unexciting situations

T-Teeth whitener that doesn't whiten
H- Hiccuping uncontrollably
A- Annoying brothers
N-Noises from the body
K- Kitties with claws
S- Santa not being real
G- Giant bugs
I- Illness that involves vomitting/bloating
V-Vomitting
I- Icy side walks
N- Nics from shaving
G- GGHGAiurioufijdfhskjfsdhfa cats laying on my keyboard

I thought it was quite creative compared to my poem in 1st grade. I'll spare you the details. I wish my holiday was longer so I could add more list of things I can't stand. Oh wait, it's my blog. I do what I want:

• When my mom and step dad flirt
• When popular and smart girls talk to me like I'm stupid
• People judging me by my hair color
• Pesamistic people
• Competitive people
• When my mom describes in detail how work went (she's a nurse)
• Slow internet
• When people stay over night and don't hey up the next morning
• People who are always calm
• Traffic that makes you late for your best friend's mom's wedding
• Stalkers
• Slips
• Jealousy
• Boring books
• Movies in general
• The word "gland"
• Awkward silence
• Thongs
• Sweat
• Water without bubbles
• Cold showers
• Insane fan girls
• Farts or farting
• Burpies
• Skinny jeans with tennis shoes
• Summer homework
• Being really tired
• Physical conditioning
• Bacon lip balm
• The smell of beer
• Sea food
• phy ed

So that is my wonderful list. I hope I'm in a better mood so I can write something nicer. I would love to hear some of your least favorite things to. Please comment. Ask me questions!! Anything. Except not homework questions. Sorry who ever sent the question about the triangles. Btw the answer is 67. Good luck with the summer homework. I got some too. Also add me and I'll add you!! I would like to meet some new friends. Bye.

...Bacon Flavored Anything

Went shopping yesterday for a dress to wear to a wedding. I decided to give a few tips on shopping since that's what friends do. My shopping experiences are always terrible. I have at least ten pairs of shoes in my locker that I can't squeeze my feet into. I'm going to the wedding in a dress that happens to be see through. Wish me luck. Hopefully I won't meet the love of my life or have my picture taken. Okay so honestly I couldn't care less but my dad is so sure that someone will happen to take a picture of my panty line. My mom refuses to buy me a slip which I'm fine with because they're tight and sweaty. Hopefully the wedding is exciting enough to blog about but the only thing I'm really excited for is the chocolate fountain.
Here is a list of things to NEVER buy:

• Bacon flavored anything
• 2 in 1 anything
• Macaroni lip balm
• Bump its
• Anything from a store with "Barn" in the name
• Fake silver or cheap metals
• Anything designed in France and made in China (Bad combo)
• Cheap Mascara
• Sally Hanson Stick on Nails
• Cheap Heels
• Slip ons because crotches are fine, slip ons are so old fashioned and uncomfortable
• V-necks (low cut is fine but v-necks totally give the saggy boob look)
• Expensive underwear
• Clothing on the Internet
• Wool sweaters
• Expensive tank tops
• Anything from Victoria Secret unless you are showing them off (just buy panties at Macy's)
• Teeth whiteners
• Anything from infomercials
• Shirts with weird sayings (they might seem funny.. they're not..sorry)
• Big t-shirts to turn into dresses (buy a dress)
• Blazers with shoulder pads

And here are my tips for shopping:

• Buying something more expensive means paying for better quality (EXCEPT SUNGLASSES)
• Shoes on the Internet will never be the right size
• Never wear anything already used before you wash it
• Thrift Stores are never a bad place to turn to. Vintage is very chic
• Buy cotton one size bigger because it will shrink
• Always try on things first
• Don't buy anything that won't fit into your wardrobe otherwise you have to buy a whole new outfit
• Never buy a dress one day before you need it
• Don't buy things that you don't have a place to wear them
• Wait a week, if you don't totally need it, you'll find it on clearance next week
• Just because something is on clearance doesn't mean it's not cute

Hope my shopping tips help. Comment your tips or I might always show my panty line everywhere I go. Please help.

How to Be a Good Highschool Girlfriend: First Change Your Whole Life

How do you stand out with out being a freak? One day I left my hair curly and wore a pink sweatshirt. It was a new pink sweatshirt so I guess I looked sort of different. Apparently I looked so damn different that my boyfriend (now ex) forgot who I was. He wasn't joking... He walked up to me and friend and asked my friend "Where's your blonde friend?" HE WASN'T JOKING! I was standing right in front of him. We made eye contact. I asked one of my closest friends about it and he laughed for 5 minutes straight. It's hard to date a guy who forgets what you look like. I guess I've had the worst experiences with guys. It's like Selena Gomez curling her hair. YOU STILL KNOW IT'S SELENA. My girl scout leader, soccer coach, swim coach, softball coach, and volleyball coach never learned my name. Because of cheerleading I'm not aloud to dye my hair any weird colors. Which I guess is fine with me since I'd never do that anyway. It's hard to stand out. There are so many other blonde girls out there. Anyway talking about standing out is not what I want to do today because I have no advice for you. None. Sorry. I want to be able to help people survive but I can't. Honestly, my best advice right now is to blend in, smile, get good grades and avoid anyone with the name of the mean girl in your dreams (she's usually mean in real life too.) I wanted to talk about you. Well not you, you, but more specifically how to be a good girl in all situations.

1. In School:

• Remember teachers hear and see everything
• If you decide to wear revealing clothing to school make sure you look good. Those guys who keep looking and smiling at you might be making fun of you
• Be super nice to all of your teachers so if you don't do your homework they'll let it slip. You don't have to be a teacher's pet but you can say hello to them everyday
• Never kiss, hug, or have sex anywhere near school because they will call your parents and describe in colorful detail exactly what you were doing
• Never say anything behind any ones back and never gossip. The person you are gossiping about will find out and the next day you could find out that you secretly have butt pimples

   2. At Home:

• Remember parents always win. It's useless to fight with them. Accept the punishment and deal because if you piss them off your punishment will be a lot worse
• If they won't let you wear what you want don't push it. Bring the clothes you really want to wear in your backpack and change at school. This goes for makeup and piercings too
• Always clean your room. It sucks but even if you don't have food in there little rats can nest in the corners and you'll never know. My brother can tell you from first hand experience
• If one of your chores is to clean the bathroom, CLEAN IT. I went to my friends house for a sleepover and  she had poop on the side of her toilet. WHO POOPS THERE? Gross
• Never hide anything in your room. Your parents will find it
• Never do anything you don't want your parents to find out about because they usually will... unless you are very talented... unlike me  

   3. Being a Girlfriend of a High schooler

• Don't buy him anything, ever
• Never accept gifts that aren't edible or won't die
• Never let him talk about video games (if you do he'll never stop)
• Don't talk about him to his friends
• Don't control what he eats
• Don't flirt with his friends
• Don't take pictures of him
• Never make statuses about your relationship because then when you break up you have to delete them all and it takes for ever
• Don't tell him what do do
• Don't try to help him do better in school
• Never brag
• Don't complain
• Don't discuss things you really like because you don't want him putting them down
• Don't discuss political views
• Don't discuss religious views
• Treat him like he's the only guy you'll ever love
• If he treats you like your his bitch, this is normal
• Never cook him something. He will insult it because he's trying to be funny
• Never ask him if your fat
• Never ask him his opinion on anything
• Don't ask him what he wants to do tell him what he's going to do
• Never tease him in front of his friends
• Don't burp, fart or sweat near him
• Never tell him you love him unless he tells you first
• If he does tell you he's loves you and you don't know if you love him back say you do anyway unless you want a huge fight

Being a girlfriend sucks sometimes. It's the price you chose to pay. Good luck

SHAE HAS NO KNICKERS!

 I can't seem to think of any embarrassing moments today... I figured today I could give you a little bit more information about me as a person. First of all I can't tell you what I look like, sorry. Anyway, I'm going into 10th grade. I'm not very excited since this will be my first year of high school and our school is in the shape of an "I", if an "I" had a billion different branches coming off of it and a trillion different classes. You either get a huge locker that's so big you'll fill it with nothing but useless trash or so small you can't put anything into it. I've always hated school. I try to make the best of it but you know...

• In 3rd grade I got sent to the naughty table and I wasn't excused so I started crying because I thought I was just going to be left there
• In kindergarten I didn't know I actually had to pay for the milk so I just took it. I got sent to the principals office for stealing
• In 2nd grade I didn't know what the word penis meant and some kid showed me it in the dictionary but didn't bother to inform me what the description meant. Later when another girl was looking in the dictionary I asked her if she had found "Penis" in it.
• In Daycare I had a friend names *Alice. *Alice and I were inseparable. One day I didn't put on underwear because my mom didn't lay any out for me. All I had on was a dress. I told *Alice, thinking that since she was my best friend I could trust her. She then grabbed the back of my dress, dragged me around the whole playground showing my exposed bottom and yelling "*SHAE HAS NO KNICKERS!" at the top of her lungs
• In Kindergarten we had safety patrols who took us to our classroom in the morning so we wouldn't get lost or get beat up by the 6th graders. It was my second day of school and my first day getting taken to class by a patrol. We had to wait in a line until the bell rang and then we would be escorted to class. No one in line was from my class so I started crying because I thought my class had already left me. It started as a few tears and then I full on bawled. The patrol was turning red in the face and was trying to calm me down. People started watching and I cried harder and started screaming. The patrol grabbed my hand and walked me to class. I wiped my eyes and ran in.
• In second grade I knew nothing about swearing or slang terms. A boy asked me if I wanted to play a game and I knowing nothing said yes. It happened to be a game to make me stick my middle finger up. I didn't understand how it was funny so I raised it and waved it above my head. The lunch lady grabbed my wrist and made me explain myself to the principal
• In 7th grade I accidentally scratched a girl named *Jessie in flashlight tag. She freaked out because I didn't apologize and then told the whole 7th grade that I was a spaz and lesbian with my best friend *Marissa. For months people taunted me until I got a boyfriend
• In 6th grade I only had two friends: *Angie and *Suze. I admired *Suze. She was really cool and strong. We played a truth or dare game at recess and she dared me to sit on the baby swing screaming "I'm a retard!" I did.
• In 5th grade I became best friends with a popular girl. She had come camping with us and I was really excited to show her how cool I was and that I was popular material. We were walking back from the park and my mom biked past us. Her pants were hanging low and I yelled to her to pull them up. She thought I said down... She mooned us and *Lisa, the popular girl told everyone but the janitor what she did
• In Kindergarten I had this enemy named *Sigman. *Sigman smelled like fish guts and was rounded like a watermelon with legs. *Sigman didn't like me. He would always color on my coloring books and one time he stabbed me with a spork... it hurt.
• In 4th grade I was making faces to the boy sitting next to me and he turned around while I was making a duck face and we kissed. People still haven't forgotten
• In 8th grade I wore my shirts really low and boys at my lunch table tried to throw peas and grapes down them
• In kindergarten I was playing with my friend *Simon (he always dumped his macaroni on my head.) We were playing with the horses and I hit him with it. My horse was rubber so I didn't think it would hurt him but he got pissed and threw his horse (made of hard plastic) at me and I had to go to the nurse
• In daycare we had nap time and during then I found a watermelon seed on the floor and I stuck it in my mouth. I, being a 4 year old, put random stuff in my mouth. I swallowed it and started screaming that a watermelon was growing inside of me. They told me not to worry but I remained paranoid for the next couple years
• In 4th grade we had a party on the last day of school. We were to bike to the Humane Society and Dairy Queen but know one believed that I was deathly afraid of bikes. Halfway through the trip my face turned red, I started breathing funny and I started crying
• I had my 5th grade band concert one night and I couldn't find my shoes so I threw on my mom's chunky black heels. they were really tall and my pants were a little bit to short. I found out that I had to the intro. I tripped and knocked over the microphone and my dad has it on film. The next day our school TV station had included a "random" segment from the concert the night before
• I asked out a popular boy out on Facebook in 6th grade and he and his friends teased me for a whole semester before *Suze threatened to hurt them

Using the Boy's Lavatory and other Disasters

Me again. So everyone has that moment that they wish they could just forget forever. Well I have a million of them. These are the kind of things that made me want to move schools. They may seem small but not if you are living them. I have 5 places I go when I'm utterly humiliated:

1. My bedroom, in bed, under the blankets
2. My bathroom
3. Underneath the stairwell at school
4. My mom's bedroom
5. The living room in my basement

I have so many embarrassing moments that these places have become my comfort spots and  my comfort foods include: macaroni and cheese, pizza rolls, pizza pockets, pizza and basically anything I can put in the microwave. Aside from the big main moments I've done a lot of other embarrassing things like talking about someone when they happen to be standing right behind me, hugging random people I don't know, waving at someone who is actually waving at the person behind me, saying dumb things in debate, crying when getting in trouble, my stomach growling in health class when the teacher happened to be talking about how important breakfast is and the awkward moments when I laugh so hard I pee a little. Here are some of the major lovely moments that are contaminating my blood stream with salt:

• During a make out session my boyfriend farted. It wasn't one of those teeny, silent ones where you could pretend you didn't smell it, it was like a full on fart. After that I couldn't make out with him anymore. I told him it was late and that he should go home. Every time I kissed him after that I would cross my fingers that he wouldn't do it again. I know it was probably worse for him than it was for me but when the girls asked me what I did the night before with him I wanted to crawl under I rock.
• One time I used the boys' bathroom 4 times before I ran into a guy who informed me that it was the boys' restroom! Now every time I go to the bathroom, I study the sign to make sure it's the girls' room and I survey the bathroom for urinals. I can't believe I was so blind that I didn't even notice the row of urinals!
• On my days when mother nature pays me a visit and all I have are pads, I usually wear big baggy sweat pants and granny panties to make myself feel more comfortable. Those days I honestly feel like nothing can make me look grosser than I already feel. So one day I was making fun of a boy in math class. Apparently he didn't get that I was only flirting with him so he tripped me. Well he tried. I had stopped moving when I saw his foot come at me so instead of tripping me he kicked me. When his foot slipped down off my leg my pants came down. My ugly panties and my extra padding was exposed. The girl I really hate came up to me and patted me on the shoulder saying "Don't worry no one saw." It's like yeah they did, THE WHOLE MATH CLASS SAW. Her mom mentioned her wonderful deed of making me feel better in a church sermon. Oddly enough, everyone seemed to know it was me. I got emails and texts of sympathy. I wanted to just die.
• I wear high heeled shoes all the time, everyday, constantly and I even own a pair of high heeled slippers. So one day I put on my black boots that have really chunky heels so it's impossible to trip in them, or so I thought. I was walking downstairs to my locker when I tripped all the way down a flight of stairs. My "best friend" couldn't stop cracking up. Everyone one the staircase were pissing themselves and laughing so hard their faces were turning an odd shade of purple. I would have felt better if my friend had told everyone to shut up but she didn't. In fact she was literally in tears. I went to my first hour class and tried to hot glue the heel back on but just my luck the glue gun wasn't working. I told my science teacher that I had to call home and get another pair of shoes and he almost cried to. It was the day we were launching bottle rockets outside so I had to hobble after my bottle rocket when it landed. I didn't get my shoes until 4th hour so by then the whole school knew about my stupid shoes and I was given the nick name "Wanna be Barbie" because my foot was at an awkward angle.
• One day I was out with my best friend *Alex and I was wearing my favorite orange sweater from Ann Taylor and my cutest jeans. It was a cold day and everything was covered in dirty, brown slush. Alex and I were taking a walk around the pond. We had walked down by the pond shore and I slipped in the mud, and into the greenish, brownish water. My sweater shrunk, my butt was covered in mud and I was really cold. Alex was really sweet about it and he took me home and washed my clothes. Not only had I embarrassed myself in front my sophisticated best friend but I had gotten many car honks from drivers passing by. I went home and spent the rest of the day crying over the loss of my sweater and eating soup. 

I know I posted this early but I will have more embarrassing moments tomorrow. Comment! I love feedback! I would also love to hear about your wonderful embarrassing moments

Can You Keep a Secret

I'm going to start of saying that if the world was always honest with each other, we'd all hate each other. Have you ever read the book "Can You Keep a Secret?" Well it's about a girl who tells all of her secrets to a guy sitting next to her on a plane. It turns out this guy is a multimillionaire and the owner of the company she works for. Long story short he accidentally spills her secrets and later they become an item. I'm using a fake name because on this blog I will be telling everything about myself and I'm pretty sure no multimillionaire will find this blog and consider me charming and ask to marry me... Everyone has secrets.. I mean a these are just a few of mine:

• I wish my life was Princess Diaries and my grandmother would tell me I'm really a princess
• I have the biggest doll house in my room so I never let anyone near it
• Every mean girl in my dreams is named Valarie so I avoid anyone with that name
• My normal summer day consist of watching episodes of "Psych," eating lucky charms and laying out by the pool ready a trashy, romance novels
• My friend and I use dating sites to pretend we're 80 year old women looking for 20 year old guys
• My first kiss happened because I was making faces at a boy who turned around really fast
• I usually turn down my friends so I can stay home and read
• I'm strongly attracted to gingers (red hair and freckles)
• I never sleep with my feet or hands hanging off the bed because I'm worried that some giant rat will bite them off
• I guessed my way through an AP test and scored higher than most of the people in my class
• I frequently use the Google search bar to find out how to spell words
• I say I don't know when I'm flirting but I actually do
• I flirt a lot
• I've kissed boys who had girlfriends at the time 
• I played with dolls until 8th grade
• I went through a "Tom Boy" stage because my friend was one and I always wanted to impress her
• I have to trim my nose hair
• I shave my arms
• I wear cute underwear all the time so I'm always prepared
• I keep an extra pair of pants in my locker
• I streaked once and when I got home I cried because I thought someone saw me and called the police
• I seldom read books that aren't dirty
• I can't really count cards, I just get really lucky
• I get most of my ideas for creative writing assignments from my dreams
• I knew my friends Facebook password and when I got really mad at her I went on and changed all of her info to make her seem like a freak. I blamed it on a girl she hated
• I only joined cheer to make myself seem cooler
• I usually quit things that I'm not the best at
• I get really pissed at the smallest of things
• I am deathly afraid of bikes.. when I ride them my face turns red and I breathe funny

So these are my deepest secrets consider yourself lucky. I'll most likely add more later so check back if you ever get bored. Comment your secrets or message me with an unknown name. I want to know if you guys have the same problems. Below are songs I was listening to when blogging today. Tomorrow I will be blogging about my most embarrassing moments so that should be fun. Feedback is my favorite thing in the world so let me know how you think it is.