Life is pretty much going perfect right now. I have the perfect boy, I'm at a pretty average weight, my finals went well, etc. It is so cold though! I'm just sitting at work. I feel like the total stereotypical secretary. I'm blogging, listening to Pandora, and ignoring calls. I'm pretty sure this is how it was described in my job description. There is an annoying message on loop here. It's only 1 minute long. I'm pretty sure I have it memorized.
Mr. Player (Previously Mentioned in Other Blog Posts) has major depression. I just found this out today for the record. I just played a guy with depression. However, is depression really a excuse for using women? I don't use guys and I have depression. Anyway, morals and ethics aside, I have successfully played the biggest player at our school.
The plan was to first get his attention. I had to sacrifice my classy style for a few days. It's easy to get a boys attention. Here's a few tips:
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| When Your White Friend Buys Your White Self, Starbucks |
- When you stretch, make sure your shirt shows a little mid riff (Not a ton. Just enough to spark interest)
- Know their favorite bands and wear their T-Shirts (Do a little Facebook stalking. Women Band Shirts give a more fitted look and will flatter your body better)
- Answer questions in class
- Be clumsy! (Accidentally bump into a desk, drop your pencil, knock a few things over, etc)
- Smile (Not at them directly, but smiling shows confidence and optimism. Subconsciously, guys find happier women more attractive)
- Blush! (Blushing is super attractive. Stop trying to cover it up. If you're called out and your face turns red, don't worry! Just comb your fingers through your hair, awkward giggle, and get on with your life)
Once I had his attention I made him flirt with me. He would call me cute, I would giggle and say thank you, but I would never return the favor. This annoyed him. He wanted me to compliment him so he was constantly trying to compliment me and fish for compliments (It's not just for females anymore).
I let him kiss me. For a player he isn't a very good kisser. He isn't very cute either. He's a little on the pudgy side, and should invest in some chap stick, a hair brush, and a better razor. MEN TAKE NOTE: If you have confidence you can have any woman you want.
We then made out. While we were I stopped him and told him that I was seeing other people. He said it was fine and that he was too.
I had his confession.
Every night he would try to be flirty and ask what I was wearing. I would respond somewhere along the lines of, "Some guys warm up jersey," or "My friend (Insert random sexy sounding guy name)'s sweatshirt." That ticked him off. I wouldn't text him for long periods of time and pretend that I was out on dates.
I had him angry.
To hit it home, I got a boyfriend. Mr. Player was exposed, angered, and dumped. I still have his confessional text messages. Now the question is what to do with them. Sending them to his girlfriend would be too easy. I'm working on it.
The key things to remember while playing a player are:
- Don't tell anyone about your plan
- Don't fall in love
- Ignore his problems ie depression (There is no excuse for using women. DO NOT LET THESE GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR MISSION)
- Do not, in anyway, do anything you don't want people finding out about (As soon as you expose him he will attempt to retaliate. Play it safe)
I'm not telling you to go out and try to play all of the players. This can give you a bad reputation. I just want you to know what to do if this is the choice you decide to make. It may work and it may not. It is the risk you choose to take. Make sure you have good reason for doing so.
