Butterflies Are Real and So Is True Love

Me falling in love is so breaking my rules of surviving high school, but I did. He was the most wonderful guy I had ever met. He didn't smoke, or drink or do drugs which in my school is almost impossible to find. He didn't have some weird fetish and wasn't a sex addict. He's a wonderful musician. I felt like crying every time he played piano. His art was amazing. He's at the top of all of his classes. Oh and did I mention he looks like he stepped out of a Twilight novel <3 He would come over to my house and watch movies with me. Sometimes I would cook or bake for him while he played the piano. Every time he came over I would have some kind of food for him to take home to his family. However, he was a very (I don't mean to insult any religious people, I am a Christian myself.) Christian boy. A Lutheran at that. I hope to one day meet a sane Lutheran because I haven't yet (I have so many stories about my almost step moms but those are for another time.) He was going to a church camp for a few days and for some reason I knew something bad would happen. He came back on what my friend calls a "Jesus High." He no longer wanted to be with me because I accepted homosexual marriage... Yes, you read that correctly. I told him that I accepted his beliefs but he did not want to accept mine. He told me that we couldn't be together because our beliefs were to different. Now at first I figured he was totally bullshitting me because he didn't want to date me anymore but apparently he called up his friend and cried for hours. Boy tears are my kryptonite. I'm hoping whoever I end up with is a silent crier who is okay with letting his feelings out through hugging. This post isn't about him though. I miss him but I know high school relationships never last which is why today I'm going to talk about my oldest ones up until my most recent horrible situation. Oh boys...

• *Devon- So I don't really consider him a boyfriend. I was in junior high so it was more of a "Hey, you like me. Let's date." Don't get me wrong, he was a total sweetie but he was obsessed with fish. Not a little bit. A lot. He would go fishing every weekend. I feel bad that I almost died of boredom listening to him talk about his fishing trips. He would go on, and on, and on about bass. He ended up moving so breaking things off was easy. I think he preferred his fish to me anyway.
• *Simon- Nice things to say about him............... I don't think there is any. I don't even want to go into details about how he used me. He didn't tell me had a girlfriend until after he kissed me. Then he asked me to homecoming and cancelled last minute (well technically his mom cancelled on me last minute. She texted me telling me that she wanted Simon and I to remain friends because she found me to be too immature. Obviously she doesn't know her son but I just wanted it to be over so I didn't argue with her. He wasn't exactly my dream man...or any one's dream man to be completely honest.)
• *Zig- There are no words to describe Zig. He's the most complex person I've ever met. He acts like he's very into himself yet he also has a problem with self harm. Or maybe he doesn't anymore. He has tons of people who follow him around and talk to him yet he considers himself a loner. He's tried every drug out there yet he is a devoted Christian child and don't even get me started on his porn and sex addiction. He only liked me because Simon liked me. In fact he continues to like me every time I'm in a relationship with some other guy. He's quite intelligent and speaking to him is like talking to a dictionary with legs. We would never work though because he's only attracted to me when I'm in a relationship and that really doesn't work. I like more of a simple guy anyway.
• *Tim- I've never met a person so dedicated to being a Republican. That's it. That's all I got.
• *Leo- I met him when I was in marching band. Yes, I know how unbelievably nerdy that sounds, which is probably one of the reasons things never worked out for us. I'm smart I just wasn't nerdy smart. I probably just wasn't his type. We liked each other and he sent me texts about how I saved him from suicide. Which I find somewhat sweet, I guess. He told me he was too busy for a girlfriend so we never dated. We just kind of were with each other, kissed each other and he told me that he loved me a few times. I'm just bothered by the fact that as soon as we stopped talking he started dating some underclassman. So much for being too busy for a girlfriend.
• *Axel- He was a good kisser...
• *Skylar- So Skylar happened to be Leo's best friend so you may have an idea of how this ended up. I like to try not to think it was my fault. I never liked Skylar but he liked me, a lot. Like way too much. When he found out that Leo and I had a think he shot himself in the hand with an air soft gun, multiple times. Apparently those things hurt. He began to smoke pot and Leo and him no longer speak. I know that it was probably bound to happen anyway but I can't help feeling like an instigator. Skylar isn't that banged up about it anymore considering he's very popular among the stoner chicks.
• *Jim (I'm running out of names of boys. I'm trying not to use names of boys that I actually know.)- He followed me around like a puppy dog. We did whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. I wanted Chinese food, we had Chinese food. I wanted a $60 necklace, he bought me it. We were in a play together and I don't know I guess I sort of liked him. So I kissed him and we started dating. I didn't realize what he was like until we started dating. It was okay at first, I mean who doesn't love getting everything they want. It got boring though. It felt like I was dating a brick wall with a wallet. I knew that things weren't working between us but he kept writing love songs and love letters and I couldn't just end things...until he farted during our make out session and forgot who I was (I'm really not joking sadly. One day I was feeling quite lazy so I didn't straighten my hair and just decided to wear a sweatshirt. I was talking to my friend and he came up to her and asked her where I was. MY HAIR WASN'T STRAIGHTENED! I DIDN'T MORPH INTO A GORILLA! The worst part was that he wasn't joking.) After that I told him how we just shouldn't date. because he was moving. He was just switching schools, but hey, it worked. He broke up with me and then showed up at my cheer practice with a ton of roses but things were over by then. I had already gone back to liking Zig.
• [Insert story of wonderful but stupid Christian boy here]

From now on these boys are recent and the stories are occurring right at this moment.

• *Jamie- Talk about dream bodies. He has toned biceps, strong pecs and a set of 8 pack abs. However he is a little bit of a player so I'm deciding what would be the safest move. He bought me a rose and chocolate but I'm still not convinced. He's an amazing dancer and he's one of the few boys I know who can cook. If he's just been hugging another girl and then he comes over to me I don't let him touch me. I want him to know that if he wants to date me he's going to have to prove it to me. I'm no one's bitch. I can't help but like him though. He carries me to class and.... Nope! I'm just going to stop thinking about it.
• *Drew- I don't think I've ever messed up in a relationship as badly as I did with Drew. We were friends when We were in junior high but he was a 9th grader and I was an 8th grader so we kind of lost touch but this year we began talking again. It all happened so fast. I needed a ride home from school because I decided to wear heels and forgot my other friend had a massage appointment after school so Drew offered to take me home. He had lacrosse so we figured we get Subway and just hang out for awhile until he had to go home. We joked around with each other just like in junior high. It was so great to have a guy that I could just be friends with and just be myself around. When I got sick he would bring me flowers and chocolate. He would sing to me. He was the only guy whoever had the guts to sing with me.We talked about failed relationships because he and I just recently got out of relationships that really stung. He hinted that he liked me but I just brushed it off and pretended he never said anything. He started driving me to school in the mornings and taking me out to coffee. I went to a few of his games but only because the sexy rugby players were one field away. I never noticed that he was really starting to like me until he kissed me. We have so much in common and I feel like I can tell him anything but (and I know this is going to sound super stupid) I didn't feel any butterflies. I told the girls at my table and they laughed so hard they pissed. I KNOW THERE ARE BUTTERFLIES WHEN YOU REALLY LIKE SOMEONE! I'VE FELT THEM BEFORE! I just don't feel connected to him. When we kiss it's just lips. Just someone pressing their face up against mine. Nothing more. He saw me with Jamie and began to threaten him. He started to call me a flooze and an ass and a bitch and as crazy as they all say (whoever "they" is) and a slut and a child. He told me that my relationships never work out because I'm horrible. He apologized and told me he just said those things out of anger but...sometimes it feels real. He got mad at me because I told him that I wasn't at home or work because I was mentoring so he couldn't come over and talk...and then he showed up at my work. So he was pissed at me for lying. I had gotten rid of him until I started to feel bad so I apologized and now he likes me again... I honestly have no idea why guys like me. I didn't sit there and flirt with him. Apparently confiding in your friend who is male counts as flirting.

So that's my wonderful experiences with males. This is why I don't date and hate dating. High school relationships bother me. Love shouldn't be about give and take. Love should be finding someone that you don't feel like you have to settle for. Why can't God just tell me who my soul mate is!?! I can't stand waiting. And just so you all know, butterflies are real and so is true love because I felt both and I know I will find both again and I don't care how stupid it is that I have to kiss someone to know if I feel anything. I believe love is a emotional and physical thing. Wish me luck. SOUL MATE, I'M COMING FOR YOU! (Please smell nice, please smell nice, please smell nice.)