Never Been Kissed! (Sun-Kissed That Is)

Lemon Infused Water
(Infused water is my new obsession)

Pucker up, because this post is all about kissing! Of course I've been kissed before. However, my friend *Miranda and I were discussing kissing a lot today. In fact, now that I'm single I've been talking about kissing all the time. I've never tanned and since spring break just ended everyone came back showing off their tans. My skin was white as usual. Anyway, I figured that there's always room for knowledge on kissing. My male friends especially need help with this kissing concept. I'm going to use my past kisses to help give tips. What better way then to give you examples. First however, we need to talk about the serious parts of kissing. So here's the nasty stuff:
What can you contract from kissing?

• Colds- You probably already knew that you could get colds from other people. Many different viruses can cause colds. Just make sure that whoever you're kissing isn't sick. Runny noses and raspy coughs are really obnoxious. 
• Glandular Fever- This is literally known as the kissing disease. It's spread through saliva and causes infection on contact (ew) 
• Warts!- YES! Oral warts can be spread through kissing. This is more likely if the person has recently had warts. This is why kissing random guys at parties may not be the safest thing to do. You don't know him or his mouth history. 
• Herpes Infection- Basically viruses such as chicken pox and cold sores. Cold sores are reoccurring where as chicken pox are a one time thing. Cold sores can be spread even when they have already healed. Chicken pox will spread air borne as well soooo just avoid people who have it unless you've already had it (I'm still hiding from it)
• Hepatitis B- This is extremely rare to get, because the disease is passed through blood more than saliva, but don't kiss people who have open sores around their mouths unless you are completely sure that they have no history of disease.

This information on kissing was found from the Better Health Channel. Click the URL for more: http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Kissing_and_your_health?open 

Okay! Now we are done with the serious kissing stuff. Just avoid kissing sick people, get vaccinations, and know the nasty stuff. Now let's move on to my kissing experiences. I'm kind of an expert when it comes to kissing. 

• *Mitch- He was my first kiss, but it was in third grade so I can't really rate it. I was making faces at him an he turned around really fast.
• *Devon- Devon was my first boyfriend and my first intentional kiss. He had a really minty mouth and never went anywhere with out breath mints (+). His kisses were really spit filled though. He had really active saliva glands. Is that a thing? (-). His overall rating was a 6. Minty is good, too much saliva is bad!
• *Zig- There was no real good things about his kissing. He kept bumping my teeth. Rating is 5. Please know what your teeth are doing! Bumping teeth hurts!
• *Simon- He was a lip sucker. Not just one lip but both. He sucked both of my lips in his mouth. This is not okay. Rating is a 5. There is no contest to see how much of some one's lips you can fit in your mouth!
• *Tim- I don't remember how his kisses were. He had virgin lips so I know they were pretty bad. He also talked about how he could taste my last meal. Ew! Overall rate is a 5. I snacked on boxes of mints before he came over. He kept tasting his own meals. Clean your mouth before kissing! 
• *Leo- He had to throw up after kissing me and he kissed with his eyes open. Rating is a 4. Do not kiss someone if you are sick! Close your eyes! Kissing with your eyes open is so annoying!
• *Axel- I can't remember his kisses much. I can only remember that he hurt my back. He did this weird thing where he leaned over me until I almost fell over. Rating is 6. When kissing do not practice yoga! Thank you! 
• *Jim- Rate is 3. Do not suffocate people with your tongue! That's all I can say. Don't do it. Stop. Stop it now.
• Drew- He kissed me spontaneously without asking (+) There were no butterflies so unfortunately he only scores a 7.5. Kiss spontaneously sometimes!
• The Christian Boy- He was a new kisser. I think virgin kissers can either be really good or really bad, You can easily mold them into a good kisser. His rating was an 8.5. Being a virgin kisser is not a bad thing! Flaunt it! 
• The Nerd- Where to begin. He started slow (+). He licked my teeth (-). He attacked my face (-). He made awkward sucking sounds (-). There was too much saliva (-). He sucked my tongue (-). He bit my nose (-).  Rating is 1. Start slow and romantic! Do not involve teeth in your kissing unless you are lip biting! Do not eat your partner's face! Try to make as little mouth sounds as possible! Do not bite their nose! Unless they're into that. I don't judge. Make sure they do before you go ahead and do it thought. because it can be really awkward.
• The Romantic- He knew how to lip bite, but his nose always got in the way. I'm not sure if you can control the size of your nose. His rating is a 7.5. Always bite lip! Only the lower lip though!
• My Sailor- Talk about romantic movie kisses. Slow can be a plus, but when things get heated it's okay to go a little faster. His rating is a 9. Slow, calculate kisses with lip biting are really good! Keep pace!
• The Lifeguard- If you are taller than your partner you need to know how to adjust. They can't do anything. It's all on you. Also if you're going to be in the sun, use chap stick! His rating is 6. 
• Mr. Player- He had nice clean hair and a little bit of facial hair. I give him a 7.5. He wasn't the best kisser ever, and his lips were chapped. Rating is a 7. Clean your hair! A little stubble is sexy (Little tip to my very few male readers)! PLEASE, PLEASE WEAR CHAP STICK! (Not the medical type stuff. Use something with a minty flavor (guys) or a lip gloss (girls))
• The Gremlin- Too much hair gel and I couldn't run my fingers through his hair. His lips were soft though. His rating is an 8. There is such thing as too much gel! 

I hope my experience gives a little advice on how to properly kiss. Let's do a quick summary. Kissing can cause nasty stuff. Know who you are kissing. Practice oral hygiene. Do not involve teeth in kissing unless you are lip biting. Do not attack the person's face. Do not use an excessive amount of tongue. Move your hands a little bit. The more heated the more you can move. Know your partner's boundaries and your's so you know when to slow down a little bit. Close your eyes, relax, and enjoy. 

He Loaned Me a Book!

So I figured a few things out over the last week:

• The guy I am into (the one I call Nerd) is a commitment-phobe
• Nerd is a really, really awful kisser
• The hotter a guy is, the more likely he is to be a bad kisser (they think looks will get them everywhere)
• I think the Nerd is already bored of me (saw it coming, but it still sucks)
• Noticed how many times "good" is used in place of "well" on TV and it's really starting to irritate me 
• The good guys have already been taken
• Lifeguards are hot (period) 
• It's extremely annoying when guys apologize and say they're ashamed for kissing me
• I really hate chemistry 



Birthday Cake Frappe
I'm going to go exercise for the rest of my life now

• Cucumber soda exists (and it's amazing)

I've also compiled a list of things that should come back into style:

• Making mixed CDs
• Flowers on the first date
• Walking to your date's front door
• Reading for fun
• Saddle shoes and poodle skirts

So this is my closing notes for my last boyfriend. We are officially over as of last Thursday. Instead of fighting for me he said that I should deal with him being distant, because he always has to deal with my problems. He doesn't like coming to my door when he picks me up, adding my mother on Facebook, or public displays of affection. I think I cried more about losing my 8th grade boyfriend. Which says a lot, because my 8th grade boyfriend was really irritating and I really wanted him to break up with me. I got to flirt a lot today. Most of the good guys are taken now though. Nerd is being really awkward after our kiss, because he thinks I might become too attracted to him and want to date him. This is totally true, but I'd be happy remaining just friends, because he is such a perfect guy. He brings me food when he knows I haven't eaten; he's always worrying about me and driving me everywhere. How can a guy who does so much for me not like me? He's either bored or just being awkward. I don't know what to do. I'll return the book he loaned me tomorrow and see if he'll talk to me (HE LOANED ME A BOOK! HELLO! DREAM MAN!) He is a really bad kisser. If we stay friends then I can get all the benefits of having an attractive male taking care of me, and we'll never have to kiss again! I call that a win. No matter what happens between us I am not going to seriously date anyone for a long time. I am done having to deal with that. I have access to the Sailor if I need someone to kiss and lots of guys want to take me out on dates, so I still get to dress up and go out. Dating in high school is just really annoying. I am removing my rule about only dating college guys, because they are just as immature as high school boys except they have easier access to booze. 

School is going well, but I still have to turn in my college applications. I also hate chemistry. I am at the top of my classes in everything except chemistry! I try, but I have no understanding of it. I remember when I used to complain about how school wasn't challenging enough. In fact I complained about how it was challenging enough up until high school. It's like running off a cliff. You run in the air for a while and everything seems okay until you realize that there is no ground below you and you're actually about to crash. 

Thanks for reading.

Your Carrie Bradshaw of Teen Dating, 

Shae

I Think I'm Single?

I'm in a bit of a predicament. I DON'T KNOW IF I AM SINGLE! I don't really know how it happened. I realize that I haven't posted in such a long time so let me give you a little background.

Cotton Candy Frappuccino
w/Raspberry Whip Cream

• I started dating The Romantic last December 
• First date was romantic and he spilled pasta on me
• We started going steady in February 
• For Valentines day I bought him a personalized bracelet and he bought me a cake (He hinted at buying me a Michael Kohrs Bag... I didn't want to be the cheap ass girlfriend)
• We started only hanging out at his house
• Second date we went out to eat with his stepbrother and his stepbrother's family (I was totally ignore and instead of me going home with him, he went home with his brother)
• He is a total party boy so I only get his Sunday nights 
• We started not to see each other every week
• His texts became shorter
• He never called anymore
• He left for Colorado and barely talked to me while he was there
• He is always 1 to 2 hours late for our dates and then 15 minutes later than the time he reschedules to
• He changes things last minute

Believe me when I say I've communicated that these things bother me. We've been dating for months and I tell him all the time that his behaviors bother me. I tried to schedule a night to talk things through, because he's a great guy, but he assumed I was going to break up with him. So over text he told me to just be mature. I WAS BEING MATURE BY WANTING TO TALK TO HIM AND NOT JUST DUMP HIS ASS! I texted him my problems (which I thoroughly hate doing). He told me that I never told him his actions bother me. He then told me that this is why girls break up with him, God must hate him, and I shouldn't be sad, because it's nothing personal. He didn't fight for me. It felt more like a pity party in truth, Then he just stopped texting me. I actually checked my own relationship status on Facebook to see if I was single yet. I'm not according to Facebook. SO even though it isn't official I figured it was cool if I made out with the hot guy I met at homecoming last year. I'm emotionally broken up, so it's okay, right? 

I'm not doing very well in math and I've taken a liking to a guy who has a girlfriend and considers me a little sister. HE SAID I WAS LIKE A PUPPY! He said I was cute but also mentioned how he feels the need to take care of me. I can take care of myself; he just worries too much. He's really sweet though. He always brings me food, we talk about famous literature, we go to concerts, we sit in parking lots and just share our favorite music, and damn, he has a really cute smile. He also texts me quotes from the books he's reading. He's sexy, athletic, and intelligent. Why must I be friend zoned?? I'm calling him *Nerd. Oh well.... I still have the homecoming boy to keep me entertained. He's incredibly hot and oh so muscular. I shouldn't be discussing this stuff yet since I'm not actually single. 

Anyway, wish me luck.

Your Hopelessly Romantic Partner in Crime,

Shae