Apple Trees, Average Guys, And The Pool Boy

A perfect boy with a girlfriend is like an apple. The apple is beautiful, red, and ripe for the picking. No wormholes, no bruises. You're just about to take a bite of this wonderful apple and someone approaches you saying, "Don't eat that! It's covered in pesticides!" As I'm searching for a homecoming date it seems as though all the good guys are taken. Infact I have to spend this Saturday with one of these guys and their girlfriend. Yay. Even people who are super obnoxious and annoying have boyfriends/girlfriends. I suppose to other people I may be annoying too. While I'm searching for a guys who's not annoying should I really be searching for someone who is equally annoying?

Caramel Apple Mocha
(Perfect and totally single)

Why are only popular guys attractive? Why can't for once there actually be a sexy loner who's really smart? Like in the movies. Anytime I'm searching facebook I see all these attractive guys but then I read their facebook posts and I learn a whole bunch of vulgar terms that I've never even heard of before! I've never once walked into my honors classes and said, "Wow, he's good looking." I'm involved in the geekiest clubs at my school so even if I wanted to I don't really have a chance at meeting some vulgar, hot, probably hormonal teenage boy. SO I get to pick from: non attractive, really intelligent and most likely harboring some secret talent for music or some very attractive, (I don't like to use the word stupid but it's the only one that fits) stupid, with some talent for a sport. Why can't I have a semi attractive male, with average intelligence, who actually gets off the computer once in awhile and has at least a liking for music?
I realize I ask a lot more questions than I answer and I apologize. Although no one usually comes to me for advice. They oddly enough just like to listen to my ranting. I've been told that my voice impressions are very entertaining. If someone ever asks me for advice they usually don't want advice they just want me to make them laugh and feel better about their situation.
Does anyone else have those friends where you're trying to like vent all your anger out and they make it about themselves but in a really obvious way? "I've been really down lately about my whole situation with my dad and everything."
"Well my boyfriend implied that I looked fat!"
Anyone have those friends? Am I the only one? Or how about those people that talk to you really slow. "Hiiiiiiiii myyyyyyy naaaaaammmmmeeee issssss *JEN-NA. Diiiiiiiiiiiiid you unnnnnndeerrstand what the teeeachhher wasssss taaaaaallllking abbbbbouttttt?" I'm a blonde not an idiot. I can't decide if they do that to me because I'm blonde or because they think I don't understand English since I choose not to talk to them on any occasion that I don't have too. Why must popular people assume everyone likes them and if you don't like them you're obviously a freak, weirdo, or loner?
I'm trying to hurry with this blog post because the apple I like may be working at the pool today and I don't want to miss him.
My trip to (Insert name of Latin Country here) is coming up soon and all I can think about is the cute way I've devised to ask a boy to homecoming but all the guys I like (including pool boy) are apples. I would call him on the pay phone all romantic like and say, "I knew that the only way I'd be brave enough to ask you to homecoming was if I was more than 1000 miles away." I'm tempted to call one of them and just see what he says. Although their girlfriends may not be too happy with me. Although girls never are very happy with me when it comes to their boyfriends/crushes. I'm not sure what it is but I have a talent for ruining relationships. They really should be blaming the guy. I have a flirtatious personality. People keep telling me that it isn't hard to not be flirty but it is a personality trait and I can't help it. It's like if someone told a teenage boy to stop being hormonal or a comedian to stop being funny. Oh well. I hope it doesn't get me into too much trouble.
Well that's all for today. I need to shave and actually get ready for the day. However I have no where to go and nothing to do but a huge pile of summer homework but I figure me getting reading will put it off the inevitable. Sex And The City Is On today. How can I focus on homework?? This is so unfair! I also eventually have to practice trumpet and piano. Trumpet, piano, and summer homework, and I'm here judging other people's geekiness.

The Word "Gland"

Found this wonderful thing called "Send me a number." I'm too lazy to ask for people to send me a number so I'm going to answer all the questions because I'm slightly bored and this is much fun.
1. The person I love the most is no one. I love too many people equally!
2. My most embarrassing moment? Not sure. I blog about them in like every post. I suggest Sexy Smile Boy and Falling On My Butt, Shae Has No Knickers, and Using The Boys Lavatory and Other disasters. These posts contain most of my most embarrassing moments.
3. The story of my first kiss. Let's see, I was making faces and a boy sitting next to me and he turned around and we kissed. 3rd grade. Does that count?
4. A book or film that changed my life? This Much I Know Is True and Princess Diaries.
5. Five Bands that I like:

Eggnog and Peppermint Mochas
(Another reason winter is my favorite season)

• All American Rejects
• Good Charlotte 
• Forever The Sickest Kids
• Green Day
• Panic At The Disco

6. Favorite foods? Way too many to name. 

7. Ten things on my wish list:

• Jacuzzi tub
• A boyfriend (Have I mentioned that?)
• A homecoming date
• A pool
• A Louis Vuitton
• A mustang
• Flexibility
• More flatbread wraps (stupid brother)
• Talent
• Money (It may not be everything but it's still important in today's society)

8. My favorite childhood memory? I consider myself still a child. My favorite memory is probably making peanut butter bars with my friend. My hand was slightly shaking and graham cracker was flying everywhere. He didn't notice my hand shaking and though the graham cracker had bugs. I laughed so hard I almost peed 

9. Number of people I kissed? A lot. 

10. How many times have I been in love? Not sure. Once that I know of for sure.

11. My biggest insecurity? I'm a gossip. Well obviously. This whole blog is my life gossip!

12. Hobbies I have:

• Swimming
• Does shopping count?
• Cheer (I'm in it for the bows) 
• Yoga
• Blogging
• Reading
• How about eating?
• Flirting? Is that a hobby?

13. My favorite season? I like Winter and Summer. Spring and Fall are wet, gross and usually smell like dead worms.

14. Three things I think about the most:

• My future
• Boys 
• What's next

15. My pet peeves:

• Whiny dogs
• Leggings as pants
• Bad breath
• Dirty jokes
• A clean room with one thing on the floor. All messy or all clean and nothing in between.
• Skirts that ride up
• Tennis shoes worn with skirts
• Too many selfies
• Blue denim shorts
• People playing their music in public places (Headphones, anyone?)
• Double negatives
• The word "gland"
• When people tell blonde jokes. When I don't laugh they think I didn't get it so they explain it real slow, "Get it? Because blondes are dumb." 
• I should probably wrap this up because my list is huge

16. The reason I last cried was because of cramps and because when I complained to my dad he blamed Eve

17. My bad habits:

• Tripping in flats
• Flirting
• Gossiping
• Swearing (I'm better than most)
• Eating too much
• Sleeping too much
• Procrastination
• Reading "dirty" books
• This list is also huge so I'll move on

18. Something I look forward too? My trip to (Insert name of Latin Country here)!

19. Phobias I have:

• Bugs in general
• The dark
• Dead things

20. Five things I want to do before I die (besides the obvious things such as get married, get a house, etc.):

• Get 500 google+ followers (Big dreams, right? Aha)
• Start a world wide campaign 
• Start my own business
• Get a Louis Vuitton  
• Travel to several countries 

21. My last received text message says, "Ew, don't send it." 

22. The last awkward situation I was in occurred today. My skirt was tempted by the wind. In plainer terms, a few people saw my polka dot panties. Grr

23. Least favorite food, drink and color: Shrimp, Milk and Lilac

24. I spend most of my money on chicken sandwiches which is weird because they're only a dollar

25. The last lie I told? I have a boyfriend.

Hmm, that was quite enjoyable. Two blog posts in one night. It's rainy and I'm just sitting here so I figured, why not? Would love to hear your responses to some of these numbers. Message me, leave a comment, whatever or create your own post and attach a link. Good bye, lovelies. 

The Art Of Moving On And Random Lists

I was trying to think of a title that sounded most like a self help book. Although when has there ever been a self help book that actually worked. My crush is over and done. I have this problem, in fact many of us have this problem, where I create scenarios in my head. I imagine this perfect relationship with another person and then when it doesn't go my way I feel all depressed about it and actually end up hating the other person. SSB did nothing wrong but when I saw him laughing and flirting with another girl I felt a twinge of hate. He didn't do anything wrong and here I am staring and them and hating when I could be enjoying myself. It's the last time I'll see him for quite awhile and it dawned on me that there isn't much hope for us. I'm better off a single lady anyway. Not sure why, but I am. Googled him because I'm a stalker.
Apparently he aspires to be a computer programmer and has created multiple games and websites, and here I am blogging to my limited audience.
I'm happy today. Not sure if it was my flat bread pocket filled with spinach leaves and fresh tomato or if it's because I hugged an old friend last night. Maybe it's just because I got to swim today.
My mom made me horrible. There's this guy that I've always kind of been into but he has a girlfriend who's really sweet and he's never shown interest in me anyway so I kind of just put him in the back of my mind but my mother brought him up to me today. She said that if him and I were dating, she would invite him to come on our annual ski vacation. It would be so lovely to have him accompany us. See! I'm terrible! He's in a relationship and I'm sitting here thinking about how wonderful it would be if he wasn't!
My blog post is all over the place today but I figured I should give an update on what I'm doing so you don't think I'm dead. So here's a bunch of lists that I created because I have nothing better to do with my spare time and creating games and websites is not my thing. It's hard to show off to a guy who is already pursuing his career.
Favorite Things To Do (Wonderful for people who have no car and are in need of ideas)

Pumpkin Spice Mocha
(From Jojo's Rise and Wine, my favorite coffee shop to walk to)

• Lay by the pool
• Read
• Go to the coffee shop
• Walk 5 miles to the mall
• Sleep
• *Sex And The City marathons (*Degrassi, Devious Maids and Millionaire Matchmaker also work)
• Blogging
• Reading blogs (Leave your URL)
• Facebook stalking

List Of Things I'll Never Do Again

• Eat while bathing
• Eat while swimming
• Eat while doing Yoga
• Eat while doing my nails
• Eat too much of anything
• Get a pedicure 
• Honors Biology
• Feed dogs too much
• Babysit 
• Kiss a guy first 
• Ask a guy to a dance (Don't care if I never get a dance date again. I felt like I had to be the guy. Buy the ticket, pay for dinner. I didn't, but it's an awkward feeling. Go feminists though)

List Of Things I want

• A boyfriend

Random Facts (Because Knowledge Is Good)

• Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes
• There is such a thing as dying from a broken heart
• The electric chair was invented by a dentist 
• The average American eats about 11.9 pounds of cereal a year
• Non-dairy creamer is flammable 
• You can lead a cow upstairs and not downstairs (so don't bring your cow upstairs)
• There are 293 ways to make a dollar out of change (meaning there are 294 ways to pay for a chicken sandwich with exact change)
• Male bats have the highest homosexuality rate than any other mammal 

A List Of Things That Make Me Happy

• People
• Actual sales
• Free Stuff
• Cheap Shoes
• Boyfriends
• Gentlemen 
• Flavored Water
• Sex And The City
• Random acts of kindness
• Thrift stores

A List Of My Most Recent Embarrassing Moments

• That whole Marilyn Monroe thing where her skirt flies up? Not so glamorous when you're wearing a short skirt and not so cute underwear
• Paying in quarters
• Trying to impress someone and not realizing there's stuff on your face. I can't tell you how many times that happens to me
• Texting and bumping into a tree
• Being honked, whistled at and having my friend flick off the driver. He turned around and we ended up running half a mile
• My dad's road rage
• My dad judging people and having them hear him
• My dad mocking some one's language
• My dad calling everything gay
• My dad not acting his age
• People noticing my slight (apparently not so slight) weight gain
• Naturally making a fool out of myself in front of guys
• Showing up way to early for everything
• Falling on my butt in front of SSB
• Laughing too much and bad times
• Walking the neighbors dog. He started pooping puddles in the lawn of a State Patrol Trooper! I couldn't clean it up because it was a puddle! He glared at me but what could I have done?
• Sneezed in my coffee while drinking coffee in the presence of an attractive coffee boy. Felt obligated to throw the rest of my coffee away because he saw me sneeze in it. Wasted a good Blended Mint Condition Mocha w/ Extra Whip

Well that's my blog post for tonight. Love you all. Hopefully I get rid of this writers block.

Ruby Red Slippers & IPhones

It seems that with aging I only am only given more rules and more responsibility. Everyone is eagerly waiting for their new car, their drivers licence, staying out later, and dating. Well while everyone is getting their new car they also have to get a job to pay for this car and the insurance and the gas. So the money that is made from their job is given to their cars. Am I the only one who finds this tedious and rather annoying? Although it may be because I'm extremely jealous of those who don't have to walk everywhere and get honked/yelled at by random strangers on their way. Since entering high school my mom is working even harder to make sure I am safe. Now I can't even hang out at a guys house unless she calls the parents. What happened to age bringing freedom? I know it's because she cares and not because she doesn't trust me so in no way is this blog post against my mother. In fact, this post is against aging. I wish I could go back to when I was two. Ever since I can remember there's always been some kind of drama in my life:

• Ages 3-4 at daycare it was all about red ruby slippers. If you didn't have Dorthy shoes, then you were singled out as the loser. You also had to have the coolest stuff to play with at "Share and Tell." *Valarie was in possession of said slippers. She also didn't let me or my best friend play with her toys at "Share and Tell."
• Age 4-5 it was all about crayons. I had the 24 set so I was just average. The coolest people had the 64 pack with the sharpener.
• Age 6 you had to have the robotic cat that walked when you pulled on it's leash. I had a stuff cat that I dragged around school with a string wrapped around it's neck. 
• Age 7 was the backpacks. I had a Britney Spears backpack... Well you can imagine how that went down.
• Ages 8-9 was about being funny and having stupid talents. Like having milk come out your eyes or spitting corn in people's hair. 
• Age 10 it was all about singing. Who was the best singer, what singers were popular, etc. I can't sing. 
• Age 11 everyone started getting phones. I didn't get a phone but it didn't matter because I'd have no one to text.
• Ages 12-13 was dating. Beautiful girls were dating twits and morons. It smelled desperate.
• Age 14-15 IPhones. Still have my free phone. Lost a lot of Free Phone Friends.
• Age 16 Cars and Cash.

Zebra Frappuccino
(Atleast I'm on the Fancy Coffee Bandwagon)
 

I was always out of  the loop. Not because I like being a unique individual but because I've always missed the bandwagon or tried to ape up but then fell off. I've always been the weird kid, the odd one out. There's no one I can blame but myself and my mother for not buying me what's "in." What is "in?" anyway? Who chooses what's in and what isn't? Who says who is popular and who isn't? Is it really all about having sparkly red slippers or an IPhone? I don't aspire to be popular, only to understand what it means. 

Status update on SSB: Talked to my guy friend and when I asked if he would still date a girl who fell at his feet and acted awkward around him, he laughed and asked if I fell. He's either extremely shallow or I'll have to work a little harder to obtain SSB. It bothers me how much I like him. Here I am doing regular everyday things and thinking about him constantly even though I know he's probably not thinking the same things. I'm thinking up scenarios of how perfect homecoming and prom would be if he just liked me back and he's probably thinking about guy stuff like cross country, guitar or video games. Rant for the day.

Anyway, that's my post. It's quite rainy. I may post again later.

Sexy Smile Boy and Falling On My Butt

What is love? It's one of the most common questions throughout the ages. It's a word with more definitions than any other word. I'm just not sure what it means yet. Sure I've said it to a all of my boyfriends but that's because they said it first and asking, "What is love?" in a high school relationship to a high school boy is not the best option. Anyway me being super strong (or just entertaining) and all, I was invited to help set up a stage for a concert coming up. Learned how to Daisy Chain and what the heck it meant to Daisy Chain. I'm pretty proud. Also proved stronger than one of the boys although he was in middle school and had the upper body strength of a hamster.
We were being lectured on why we had been invited there today (they claimed it was because we were learning but we all knew that it's easier to hire volunteers than workers that they have to pay) and in walks this 73in tall guy, with brown wavy/curly hair, deep brown eyes (slightly squinty like mine) and a sexy smile followed by *Jerry. *Jerry and I don't like each other in anyway but we tease each other which people usually mistake for flirting. I didn't successfully avoid *Jerry but our teasing was only brief and not when I was in the presence of Sexy Smile boy.
Up until 4:00 I was working hard and only making slight glances at him. I was moving stage pieces, drilling them together, moving boxes, carrying crates, sweating, etc. Then however, *Jerry, Other boy, and Hamster all went out to the garage to start cutting two by fours for the stage and it was just my 22 year old mentor, Sexy Smile boy and myself. I didn't really know if I liked him, I only knew that he was nice to look at.
We worked side by side together for the next hour. It was wonderful. He was so fun to be with. He had a child like playfulness but also had a very mature attitude towards what we were doing. We had to make a line out of tape on the projector screen and he teased me for my OCD for wanting the line to be perfectly straight although after a few minutes of pondering and staring at our semi crooked tape line, he was all for making a perfectly straight line. He and I walked around for awhile looking for a tape measure. (Not really sure why. He was the smart one who wanted a straight line. I was the girl pretending I cared so I could listen to him tease me.)

So that's what love looks like.
Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino 

By 5:00 to of the boys had left, Hamster and Other boy. So it was my mentor, *Jerry, Sexy Smile boy and myself. We had pizza and watched the storm rage outside. After dinner we began to hook up wires. I was stuck putting curtains up around the stage edges first so it was less time spent with Sexy Smile boy. After however he and I were wiring right next to each other and realizing we did everything wrong and starting over again. We didn't ignore *Jerry but it was quite obvious that I was paying much more attention to Sexy Smile boy.
By 7:00 *Jerry was gone. I figured I'd turn on the charm except I couldn't. I was usually so flirty and charming around guys but around SSB (Sexy Smile boy) I couldn't! I kept saying the stupidest things. I would stumble on my words and mumble and oh yeah, I fell on my arse! I fell 1 foot out of the tech booth right on my butt at his feet. My mentor helped me up and I was so in a daze that I didn't look to see if he offered his hand. It wouldn't have mattered though. I had just fallen on my butt. I've walked around school in heels for years and my school has steep ramps! Here I am going around tripping and falling in flat shoes! I've never been the pretty girl, or the smart girl, or the funny girl. All I have to rely on is my flirtatious nature and so far with SSB it hasn't been going well. I don't understand why I'm acting so out of character.
This is why I'm questioning what love is. Or what like is I guess. I don't know much about him other than I like being with him. How am I supposed to know if that qualifies! I keep messing up. I keep thinking I like someone and then realizing that they aren't for me. It just seems different around SSB but that could because I've never embarrassed myself so badly in front of any other guy so often in so little time before. Maybe I just like that he didn't piss himself laughing at me. I guess I don't have to worry though. Girls who make awkward mouth sounds and fall on their butts are not exactly attractive to most guys.
The quest for love continues. Wish me luck as I wish all of you the same.