SHAE HAS NO KNICKERS!

 I can't seem to think of any embarrassing moments today... I figured today I could give you a little bit more information about me as a person. First of all I can't tell you what I look like, sorry. Anyway, I'm going into 10th grade. I'm not very excited since this will be my first year of high school and our school is in the shape of an "I", if an "I" had a billion different branches coming off of it and a trillion different classes. You either get a huge locker that's so big you'll fill it with nothing but useless trash or so small you can't put anything into it. I've always hated school. I try to make the best of it but you know...

• In 3rd grade I got sent to the naughty table and I wasn't excused so I started crying because I thought I was just going to be left there
• In kindergarten I didn't know I actually had to pay for the milk so I just took it. I got sent to the principals office for stealing
• In 2nd grade I didn't know what the word penis meant and some kid showed me it in the dictionary but didn't bother to inform me what the description meant. Later when another girl was looking in the dictionary I asked her if she had found "Penis" in it.
• In Daycare I had a friend names *Alice. *Alice and I were inseparable. One day I didn't put on underwear because my mom didn't lay any out for me. All I had on was a dress. I told *Alice, thinking that since she was my best friend I could trust her. She then grabbed the back of my dress, dragged me around the whole playground showing my exposed bottom and yelling "*SHAE HAS NO KNICKERS!" at the top of her lungs
• In Kindergarten we had safety patrols who took us to our classroom in the morning so we wouldn't get lost or get beat up by the 6th graders. It was my second day of school and my first day getting taken to class by a patrol. We had to wait in a line until the bell rang and then we would be escorted to class. No one in line was from my class so I started crying because I thought my class had already left me. It started as a few tears and then I full on bawled. The patrol was turning red in the face and was trying to calm me down. People started watching and I cried harder and started screaming. The patrol grabbed my hand and walked me to class. I wiped my eyes and ran in.
• In second grade I knew nothing about swearing or slang terms. A boy asked me if I wanted to play a game and I knowing nothing said yes. It happened to be a game to make me stick my middle finger up. I didn't understand how it was funny so I raised it and waved it above my head. The lunch lady grabbed my wrist and made me explain myself to the principal
• In 7th grade I accidentally scratched a girl named *Jessie in flashlight tag. She freaked out because I didn't apologize and then told the whole 7th grade that I was a spaz and lesbian with my best friend *Marissa. For months people taunted me until I got a boyfriend
• In 6th grade I only had two friends: *Angie and *Suze. I admired *Suze. She was really cool and strong. We played a truth or dare game at recess and she dared me to sit on the baby swing screaming "I'm a retard!" I did.
• In 5th grade I became best friends with a popular girl. She had come camping with us and I was really excited to show her how cool I was and that I was popular material. We were walking back from the park and my mom biked past us. Her pants were hanging low and I yelled to her to pull them up. She thought I said down... She mooned us and *Lisa, the popular girl told everyone but the janitor what she did
• In Kindergarten I had this enemy named *Sigman. *Sigman smelled like fish guts and was rounded like a watermelon with legs. *Sigman didn't like me. He would always color on my coloring books and one time he stabbed me with a spork... it hurt.
• In 4th grade I was making faces to the boy sitting next to me and he turned around while I was making a duck face and we kissed. People still haven't forgotten
• In 8th grade I wore my shirts really low and boys at my lunch table tried to throw peas and grapes down them
• In kindergarten I was playing with my friend *Simon (he always dumped his macaroni on my head.) We were playing with the horses and I hit him with it. My horse was rubber so I didn't think it would hurt him but he got pissed and threw his horse (made of hard plastic) at me and I had to go to the nurse
• In daycare we had nap time and during then I found a watermelon seed on the floor and I stuck it in my mouth. I, being a 4 year old, put random stuff in my mouth. I swallowed it and started screaming that a watermelon was growing inside of me. They told me not to worry but I remained paranoid for the next couple years
• In 4th grade we had a party on the last day of school. We were to bike to the Humane Society and Dairy Queen but know one believed that I was deathly afraid of bikes. Halfway through the trip my face turned red, I started breathing funny and I started crying
• I had my 5th grade band concert one night and I couldn't find my shoes so I threw on my mom's chunky black heels. they were really tall and my pants were a little bit to short. I found out that I had to the intro. I tripped and knocked over the microphone and my dad has it on film. The next day our school TV station had included a "random" segment from the concert the night before
• I asked out a popular boy out on Facebook in 6th grade and he and his friends teased me for a whole semester before *Suze threatened to hurt them

Using the Boy's Lavatory and other Disasters

Me again. So everyone has that moment that they wish they could just forget forever. Well I have a million of them. These are the kind of things that made me want to move schools. They may seem small but not if you are living them. I have 5 places I go when I'm utterly humiliated:

1. My bedroom, in bed, under the blankets
2. My bathroom
3. Underneath the stairwell at school
4. My mom's bedroom
5. The living room in my basement

I have so many embarrassing moments that these places have become my comfort spots and  my comfort foods include: macaroni and cheese, pizza rolls, pizza pockets, pizza and basically anything I can put in the microwave. Aside from the big main moments I've done a lot of other embarrassing things like talking about someone when they happen to be standing right behind me, hugging random people I don't know, waving at someone who is actually waving at the person behind me, saying dumb things in debate, crying when getting in trouble, my stomach growling in health class when the teacher happened to be talking about how important breakfast is and the awkward moments when I laugh so hard I pee a little. Here are some of the major lovely moments that are contaminating my blood stream with salt:

• During a make out session my boyfriend farted. It wasn't one of those teeny, silent ones where you could pretend you didn't smell it, it was like a full on fart. After that I couldn't make out with him anymore. I told him it was late and that he should go home. Every time I kissed him after that I would cross my fingers that he wouldn't do it again. I know it was probably worse for him than it was for me but when the girls asked me what I did the night before with him I wanted to crawl under I rock.
• One time I used the boys' bathroom 4 times before I ran into a guy who informed me that it was the boys' restroom! Now every time I go to the bathroom, I study the sign to make sure it's the girls' room and I survey the bathroom for urinals. I can't believe I was so blind that I didn't even notice the row of urinals!
• On my days when mother nature pays me a visit and all I have are pads, I usually wear big baggy sweat pants and granny panties to make myself feel more comfortable. Those days I honestly feel like nothing can make me look grosser than I already feel. So one day I was making fun of a boy in math class. Apparently he didn't get that I was only flirting with him so he tripped me. Well he tried. I had stopped moving when I saw his foot come at me so instead of tripping me he kicked me. When his foot slipped down off my leg my pants came down. My ugly panties and my extra padding was exposed. The girl I really hate came up to me and patted me on the shoulder saying "Don't worry no one saw." It's like yeah they did, THE WHOLE MATH CLASS SAW. Her mom mentioned her wonderful deed of making me feel better in a church sermon. Oddly enough, everyone seemed to know it was me. I got emails and texts of sympathy. I wanted to just die.
• I wear high heeled shoes all the time, everyday, constantly and I even own a pair of high heeled slippers. So one day I put on my black boots that have really chunky heels so it's impossible to trip in them, or so I thought. I was walking downstairs to my locker when I tripped all the way down a flight of stairs. My "best friend" couldn't stop cracking up. Everyone one the staircase were pissing themselves and laughing so hard their faces were turning an odd shade of purple. I would have felt better if my friend had told everyone to shut up but she didn't. In fact she was literally in tears. I went to my first hour class and tried to hot glue the heel back on but just my luck the glue gun wasn't working. I told my science teacher that I had to call home and get another pair of shoes and he almost cried to. It was the day we were launching bottle rockets outside so I had to hobble after my bottle rocket when it landed. I didn't get my shoes until 4th hour so by then the whole school knew about my stupid shoes and I was given the nick name "Wanna be Barbie" because my foot was at an awkward angle.
• One day I was out with my best friend *Alex and I was wearing my favorite orange sweater from Ann Taylor and my cutest jeans. It was a cold day and everything was covered in dirty, brown slush. Alex and I were taking a walk around the pond. We had walked down by the pond shore and I slipped in the mud, and into the greenish, brownish water. My sweater shrunk, my butt was covered in mud and I was really cold. Alex was really sweet about it and he took me home and washed my clothes. Not only had I embarrassed myself in front my sophisticated best friend but I had gotten many car honks from drivers passing by. I went home and spent the rest of the day crying over the loss of my sweater and eating soup. 

I know I posted this early but I will have more embarrassing moments tomorrow. Comment! I love feedback! I would also love to hear about your wonderful embarrassing moments

Can You Keep a Secret

I'm going to start of saying that if the world was always honest with each other, we'd all hate each other. Have you ever read the book "Can You Keep a Secret?" Well it's about a girl who tells all of her secrets to a guy sitting next to her on a plane. It turns out this guy is a multimillionaire and the owner of the company she works for. Long story short he accidentally spills her secrets and later they become an item. I'm using a fake name because on this blog I will be telling everything about myself and I'm pretty sure no multimillionaire will find this blog and consider me charming and ask to marry me... Everyone has secrets.. I mean a these are just a few of mine:

• I wish my life was Princess Diaries and my grandmother would tell me I'm really a princess
• I have the biggest doll house in my room so I never let anyone near it
• Every mean girl in my dreams is named Valarie so I avoid anyone with that name
• My normal summer day consist of watching episodes of "Psych," eating lucky charms and laying out by the pool ready a trashy, romance novels
• My friend and I use dating sites to pretend we're 80 year old women looking for 20 year old guys
• My first kiss happened because I was making faces at a boy who turned around really fast
• I usually turn down my friends so I can stay home and read
• I'm strongly attracted to gingers (red hair and freckles)
• I never sleep with my feet or hands hanging off the bed because I'm worried that some giant rat will bite them off
• I guessed my way through an AP test and scored higher than most of the people in my class
• I frequently use the Google search bar to find out how to spell words
• I say I don't know when I'm flirting but I actually do
• I flirt a lot
• I've kissed boys who had girlfriends at the time 
• I played with dolls until 8th grade
• I went through a "Tom Boy" stage because my friend was one and I always wanted to impress her
• I have to trim my nose hair
• I shave my arms
• I wear cute underwear all the time so I'm always prepared
• I keep an extra pair of pants in my locker
• I streaked once and when I got home I cried because I thought someone saw me and called the police
• I seldom read books that aren't dirty
• I can't really count cards, I just get really lucky
• I get most of my ideas for creative writing assignments from my dreams
• I knew my friends Facebook password and when I got really mad at her I went on and changed all of her info to make her seem like a freak. I blamed it on a girl she hated
• I only joined cheer to make myself seem cooler
• I usually quit things that I'm not the best at
• I get really pissed at the smallest of things
• I am deathly afraid of bikes.. when I ride them my face turns red and I breathe funny

So these are my deepest secrets consider yourself lucky. I'll most likely add more later so check back if you ever get bored. Comment your secrets or message me with an unknown name. I want to know if you guys have the same problems. Below are songs I was listening to when blogging today. Tomorrow I will be blogging about my most embarrassing moments so that should be fun. Feedback is my favorite thing in the world so let me know how you think it is.